You can be morally rich or monetarily rich
But you can't be both, you can't be both
Protect your wallet or protect the weak
You can't do both, you can't do both
You can be anesthetized, or you can be living
You can be forgiven, or be forgiving
Life's for giving, love's for giving
The rich are dying, not living
Anesthetized with unfeeling eyes
The poor wanna be anesthetized too
That's why Budweiser sells billions
and Ben & Jerry's sells gazillions
But when you wake up you're still so blue
Rich white men shit on poor white men
Poor white men shit on white wimyn
Rich white wimyn shit on poor white wimyn
Poor white wimyn shit on everybody else
Brown men shit on brown wimyn
Brown wimyn shit on gay brown wimyn
And everybody, everybody
Everybody shits on the dog
I wish there were a devil to shit on rich white men
But there ain't no hellfire below
Karma's a joke and heaven's a hoax
Welcome to the humyn shitshow
Brown wimyn wanna be white wimyn
Yellow wimyn wanna be white wimyn
Black wimyn wanna be white wimyn
but they'll settle for brown
Ugly folk wanna be pretty
Old folk wanna be young
Everybody wants big boobies
Everybody wants to be hung
I wish there were a devil to shit on rich white men
But there ain't no hellfire below
Karma's a joke and heaven's a hoax
Welcome to the humyn shitshow
From the London Bridge to the Golden Gate
People everywhere are jumpin'
From the Brooklyn Bridge to the Banpo Bridge
People would rather be humpin'
We all need to be mothered
No one wants to be othered
No man wants to be smothered
when a baddie bats her eyes
We're all self-absorbed twits
Most of us selfish shits
The love game is the pits
Everybody lies
I wish there were a devil to shit on rich white men
But there ain't no hellfire below
Karma's a joke and heaven's a hoax
Welcome to the humyn shitshow
Where will the euphemistic degradation of our language end? "NEWS FLASH, HOLLYWOOD: Nick Reiner passed away his parents last night."
Why do we have godparents, but not devilparents?
Romantically, young men have patience with no humility, and old men have humility with no patience. Sorry, ladies.
Having a baby is like saying, "I've got nothing to do for the next eighteen years, AND i'm a big fan of ingratitude!" Are you INSANE?? Who would do that?
To believe in god, is to declare that there's nothing you won't believe in.
Never believe anything anyone tells you. Including what you tell yourself.
I'm not like most men. I don't want to fuck ALL wimyn. Just the ones who don't look like me.
Rejecting common sense is just good common sense.
Red-Baring: a television series that starts with a burst of sexy nudity, then devolves into PG flaccidity.
If a womyn wants a man to be long-term monogamously faithful, the smartest thing she can do is to buy him a nuru massage once a week (she cannot provide this service herself - that would undo her intended manipulation).
Should she also stipulate that it never be the SAME nuru therapist? Perhaps. In any case, he will eagerly agree. And the whole ploy might actually work, pulling off a minor miracle indeed.
If i were gay, i wouldn't date a white guy
I mean, well who would
If i were gay, i wouldn't date a white guy
I don't think anybody should
Bland and kinda boring
Their fashion leaves me snoring
Smug and satisfied
Take the children and hide
If i were gay, i wouldn't date a white guy
They ain't up to no good
If i were gay, i wouldn't date a white guy
I mean, well who would
If i were gay, i wouldn't date a white guy
I don't think anybody should
Uptight and pretentious
They talk and talk all day
That one beats his dog
They just won't go away
If i were gay, i wouldn't date a white guy
They ain't up to no good
How can they be so vanilla
when they use so much hot sauce
How do they look in the mirror
How do they carry that cross
If i were gay, i wouldn't date a white guy
I mean, well who would
If i were gay, i wouldn't date a white guy
I don't think anybody should
The poster children
for rape and pillage
Oh daddy dear daddy
let's burn that native village
If i were gay, i wouldn't date a white guy
And i don't think anybody should
They ain't misunderstood
They might have a white hood
They ain't up to no good
I'll lick your toes, cover you in oil
Tummy-tongue time make hormones boil
Thermometer in, makin' you grin
Mercury no lie, time to try
Ovulation lovin'
Baby-makin' time
Ovulation lovin'
Your mons venus i will climb
Your menstrual flow, no no mo
You ride me hard, hard and slow
Morning sickness might hit your head
We keep a trash can by the bed
First trimester lovin'
Baby-brewin' time
First trimester lovin'
Your mons venus i will climb
Sex has never been this good
You're so ripe for plucking
You're always waking up my wood
Si si, my salami you're sucking
Second-trimester lovin'
Baby-bump time
Second-trimester lovin'
Your mons venus i will climb
You lie on your side, my sausage you hide
Big big boobies, i just cried
Your moans and groans wake up the neighbor
One more poke, induce your labor
Third trimester lovin'
Baby-kickin' time
Third trimester lovin'
Your mons venus i will climb
(a parody of "Baby Got Back" by anthony l. ray)
I blow big farts and I cannot lie
You other mothers can't deny
My lower G.I. gets rumblin'
What happens next is humblin'
I get sprung
Wanna back up tough
'Cause this room's gonna be stuffed
Right through the jeans i'm wearing
This fabric might be tearing
Oh, babe you wanna run away
Nobody's gonna stay
Ain't easy or sleazy
You're feeling so so queasy
Your torture never ends
I farted in your Benz
You're about to be my clown, your window's goin' down
If you hear that whooshing sound when we're driving around
Your window's goin down, your window's goin down
You won't mind, you won't care if it's zero degrees out there
Your window's goin down, your window's goin down
Don't care if it's Manitoba, this stink ain't blowin' over
Your window's goin down, your window's goin down
Don't care if it's Nova Scotia, i been condemned by OSHA
Your window's goin down, your window's goin down
So fellas yeah fellas, are you afraid of this butt?
Gonna shake it, gonna quake it
Quake this healthy butt
You better get back, you better get back
So, ladies yeah ladies, if you wanna roll in my Mercedes
You're gonna protest, you're gonna pout
This white boy's gotta shout
You better get back, you better get back
You'll run out in the cold coz you know this butt is gold
You better get back
Red beans and rice don't miss me, red beans and rice assist me
Better get back, you better get back
On first viewing, this season falls flat, to the point of making you wonder whether the show lost one of its essential writers. It fares better in a second viewing, but the flaws don't fully fade. Not enough uhura or number one, and a season-opening clank of epic proportion.
-Hegemony, Part II **
Tight and dark ensemble work, as the ship is alone deep in gorn territory, scrambling to prevent a full-scale invasion of Federation space. The solution is a forgivable re-use from STARGATE: ATLANTIS...but far less pardonable is the image of pike praying over a doomed comrade. We cringed when kira did it, but this is far less justifiable.
-Wedding Bell Blues ***
Chapel shows up with new beau roger corby...and suddenly the crew is preparing for spock and chapel's wedding! Corby is the only one who knows reality is wrong, but he can't convince anyone of that fact...especially the puckish wedding planner, who turns out to be our very own...Q! Or trelane, if you will. And we will! Impishly propelled by rhys darby (FLIGHT OF THE CHOCHORDS, OUR FLAG MEANS DEATH), the episode resolves when spock is jarred by corby into an emotional outburst, and regains his senses. The icing on this cake is the voice of john de lancie as trelane's father.
-Shuttle to Kenfori **
The gorn DNA in captain batel (melanie scrofano - WYNONNA EARP, LETTERKENNY) reactivates, forcing pike to take the ship into the klingon neutral zone, for a floral cure. It's a deal with the devil which will make the gorn DNA permanent. Not bad, but the zombies and vengeful klingon feel a bit uninspired.
-A Space Adventure Hour ***
La'an is assigned with testing the experimental "holodeck", and finds herself locked into a 20th-century murder mystery with the safety protocols disabled until she solves the crime. A love letter to the show's history, as she plays a 1969 Hollywood detective investigating a campy sci fi show modeled after TREK itself. The cast stretch their chops, playing very different characters (including another fine turn by paul wesley, sending up the kirk persona). Directed by jonathan frakes, it's thoroughly charming and damn near four stars.
-Through the Lens of Time ***
An archaeological mission under the guidance of corby encounters deadly disaster, as they unknowingly awaken an ancient, malevolent non-corporeal alien who inhabits the body of nurse gamble. This triggers a body-snatching transformation in captain patel as well. The away team must navigate an extra-dimensional maze to return to safety.
-The Sehlat Who Ate Its Tail ***
Enterprise races to the aid of the Farragut, which has been crippled by an outsized, unknown scavenger ship. When the ship returns, spock, chapel, uhura, and scotty are trapped aboard Farragut as the Enterprise is swallowed. Kirk is thrust into command, and reacts with recklessness and crippling uncertainty. Pelia uses 20th-century phones to re-establish ship communication. The triumph is perhaps too easy, but a fine character study foreshadowing a crew to come.
-What is Starfleet? ***
This one bangs harder on the four-star door than any other entry this season. Ortegas' civilian brother is aboard, creating a documentary. His angle is adversarial, as he questions whether the Federation is just a colonizing empire. This is a fair question, especially as nick meyer, one of the most influential creators in TREK history, willfully pushed the franchise in a "gunboat diplomacy" direction.
-Four-and-a-Half Vulcans ***
An away team has their DNA temporarily altered to become vulcan, to save a pre-warp planet where vulcans have already broken the prime directive. Using vulcan logic, the team decides to remain vulcan (though la'an feels rather more romulan than vulcan). A curious vulcan katra expert (patton oswalt - MAGNOLIA, CAPRICA), who has a steamy history with number one, is enlisted to assist. The writers went for it boldly...and it was almost great.
-Terrarium ***
Ortegas crash lands alone on a gas giant moon, on the other side of a wormhole. Its climate is hellish, and the only other castaway is an injured female gorn pilot. They must work together to survive...then the gorn is killed by la'an and a rescue team. This one is almost epicly good...it might have been four stars without uhura's cringeworthy prayer on the bridge.
-New Life and New Civilizations **
The capper to a season-long story about a race of evil aliens imprisoned for millennia, one of whom escapes, while batel has her DNA altered to become the galaxy's protector. Ancient temples, slavish fealty, epic battling...not bad, but i'm not sure what any of this has to do with science fiction. Pike sees (or "lives, a la "Inner Light") a timeline in which he and she live to old age...well, it ain't awful.
Mindful monarch, make monopoly forbade
Domination the assassin of invention
Wise republic, infrastructure lavish-laid
Only by trade, prosperity made
Beware the bloated big gov beast
Stagnant corruption cripples the feast
Here we are babe, we made it
We beat the odds, we cleared the bar
They said it couldn't be done
They said we'd never get this far
But love's a mysterious power
Love's a miraculous beast
Love can move many mountains
and there's hope for the middle east
Coz here we stand in our fuzzy slippers
for all the world to see
That i can put up with you
and you can tolerate me
The calendar says it's true
I think your mom had a heart attack
Here we are, me and you
I'm your common-law emergency contact
When you're by my side
how the weeks do fly
Other lovers fade so fast
Do they really even try
For love's a mysterious power
Love's a miraculous beast
Love can move many mountains
and there's hope for the middle east
Coz here we stand in our fuzzy slippers
for all the world to see
That i can put up with you
and you can tolerate me
The calendar says it's true
I think your mom had a heart attack
Here we are, me and you
I'm your common-law emergency contact
Is it love or laziness
that keeps our lives entwined
We're not getting any younger
I might be the best you'll find
People ask us our secret
What it is between you and me
We tell 'em it's one part humor
And three parts apathy
For love's a mysterious power
Love's a miraculous beast
Love can truly move mountains
and there's hope for the middle east
Coz here we stand in our fuzzy slippers
for all the world to see
That i can put up with you
and you can tolerate me
The calendar says it's true
I think your mom had a heart attack
Here we are, me and you
I'm your common-law emergency contact
We say pass away, we don't say die
Euphemistic language makin' me cry
Sliding the slippery slope to Stupid City
We say animals, but don't mean us
We ride the arrogant, delusional bus
Sliding the slippery slope to Stupid City
Unceasing self-serving rationalization
We convince ourselves black is white
We don't care who cries or dies
Same old song, might makes right
We're so impressed by coincidence
Numerology, astrology bile
Sliding the slippery slope to Stupid City
We think the universe sends us notes
and god has us on speed dial
Sliding the slippery slope to Stupid City
Your fake humility makes me wanna puke
If god were real, she'd drop the nuke
Proud Boys call the world fair
No sexism or racism out there
We get bug-eyed by coincidence
but the galaxy don't circle the sun
Your imagination mighty meager
Your messiah ain't the holy one
Numerically brain-dead monkeys
Our knowledge of probabilities nil
Aunt sally's call wasn't a miracle
Stop your silly self-serving swill
As the Beatle said, ain't it a pity
So much shitty in our nitty gritty
And that's the end of this dainty ditty
'bout Stupid City
Rich people are like squirrels, hiding away their nuts
Nuts in the attic, nuts in the beach house, nuts in the account offshore
Nibble nibble, rich people are squirrels
Rich people are like ticks, sucking the blood of the poor
Sucking up money, sucking up land, sucking more more more
Suck suck, rich people are ticks
Rich people are like sharks, pooping out the weak
Pooping the indigenous, pooping wimyn, pooping out the poor
Poop poop, rich people are sharks
No more, no more
I can't be vegan no more
Gonna eat me some squirrelticksharks
Coz i can't be vegan no more
Squirrels!
Ticks!
Sharks!
No more, no more
I can't be vegan no more
Gonna eat me some squirrelticksharks
Coz i can't be vegan no more
If i rowed across the sea would you turn and walk away
If i showed you all my need would you have nothing to say
If i shared all my sorrow would you shut your sight and flee
If the world ended tomorrow would you share tonight with me
Too weary for greed
Too sad to feel shame
Too lost to beg and plead
Too broken to play the game
If i rowed across the sea would you turn and walk away
If i showed you all my need would you have nothing to say
If i shared all my sorrow would you shut your sight and flee
If the world ended tomorrow would you share tonight with me
If tenderness were legal tender dr. king's dream would be here
If tenderness were legal tender we wouldn't freefall in fear
If tenderness were tender the gods of greed would go away
If tenderness were tender you'd be here today
If tenderness were legal tender we'd heal the hurting hearts
If tenderness were legal tender happy homes wouldn't tear apart
If tenderness were tender the demons of need would go away
If tenderness were tender you'd be here today
If tenderness were tender i'd fix all the hurts i've done
If tenderness were tender we'd all sing our songs in the sun
If tenderness were legal tender we'd never take our own life
If tenderness were legal tender we'd swim from this cesspool of strife
If tenderness were tender the gods of greed would go away
If tenderness were tender you'd be here today
Spikes or pillows, accident of birth
The meritocracy myth on Mother Earth
Spikes or pillows, roll of the dice
Here comes nasty, there goes nice
Spikes or pillows, luck of the draw
Who's your mommy, who's your paw
Spikes or pillows, a family plan
The heiress is horny for the pool man
People who play on pillows
Too comfy to care 'bout unfair
People who suffer on spikes
ain't gonna get out of there
Do you have a trust fund
Do you have connections
Did you get a free pass
in the dance of death and erections
Sunflowers or weeping willows
Spikes below, don't plummet from pillows
Weeping willows or sunflowers
Bye bye sun, here come showers
Spikes or pillows, what'll it be
It's pedigree, family tree
Spikes or pillows, i wish you luck
The palace perfect, the sewers suck
Alone in my room tonight
i hear the partiers on the street
I hate them, i hate them not
I hate them, i hate them not
I hate them
Sometimes in my room alone
i dream of being you
Just like you
I'd kill myself
if it were true
Don't joke, don't laugh it away
Don't deflect, it's not okay
Everything's wrong in our song
I don't go along
Alone in my room tonight
i hear the partiers on the street
They're going nowhere
They don't care
Leave me alone
