Show at The New Farm!

 

If i Were Gay, i Wouldn't Date a White Guy

If i were gay, i wouldn't date a white guy

I mean, well who would

If i were gay, i wouldn't date a white guy

I don't think anybody should

Bland and kinda boring 

Their fashion leaves me snoring

Smug and satisfied

Take the children and hide

If i were gay, i wouldn't date a white guy

They ain't up to no good

If i were gay, i wouldn't date a white guy

I mean, well who would

If i were gay, i wouldn't date a white guy

I don't think anybody should

Uptight and pretentious

They talk and talk all day

That one beats his dog

They just won't go away

If i were gay, i wouldn't date a white guy

They ain't up to no good

How can they be so vanilla

when they use so much hot sauce

How do they look in the mirror

How do they carry that cross

If i were gay, i wouldn't date a white guy

I mean, well who would

If i were gay, i wouldn't date a white guy

I don't think anybody should

The poster children

for rape and pillage

Oh daddy dear daddy

let's burn that native village

If i were gay, i wouldn't date a white guy

And i don't think anybody should

They ain't misunderstood

They might have a white hood

They ain't up to no good

Blunderwood

(parody of "9 to 5", by dolly parton)

I turn on the tube for the inauguration
Circus time for a fractured nation
Pomp, circumstance, political divide

I see a sight and i start snarling
Everybody's american idol darling
singing for the rapist-in-chief, i nearly cried

Why'd you do it, why'd you croon for old d. trump
You really blew it, your career just hit the dump

I hope they paid you well, living in style

You kissed the caboose of a racist pedophile

Why'd you do it, was there a gun to your head 
Your agent's on the line, wishing they were dead
The world's watching us with disgust and shame

You took a torch to your good name

Don't say you didn't know about trump's manure
The man you serenaded is a moral sewer
His repulsiveness perfectly reliable

You claim to love jesus through and through
while you bow to donald's golden statue
The god he loves ain't nowhere in your bible

Why'd you do it, why'd you croon for old d. trump
You really blew it, your career just hit the dump

I hope they paid you well, living in style

You kissed the caboose of a racist pedophile

Why'd you do it, freedom of speech crucified

Those promises he made, he just lied

Did you lust for a little more fortune and fame

How bad do you need to be a household name

Don't get too sad, this ain't the end

Though maybe your money can't buy a friend

One day folks'll forgive and forget

It'll only take a decade or three

'til your song reclaims some harmony

You and will smith in a comeback duet

Why'd you do it, why'd you croon for old d. trump
You really blew it, your career just hit the dump

I hope they paid you well, living in style

You kissed the caboose of a racist pedophile

Why'd you do it, was there a gun to your head 
Your agent's on the line, wishing they were dead
The world's watching us with disgust and shame

You took a torch to your good name

Trimester Tango

I'll lick your toes, cover you in oil

Tummy-tongue time make hormones boil

Thermometer in, makin' you grin

Mercury no lie, time to try

Ovulation lovin'

Baby-makin' time

Ovulation lovin'

Your mons venus i will climb

Your menstrual flow, no no mo

You ride me hard, hard and slow

Morning sickness might hit your head

We keep a trash can by the bed

First trimester lovin'

Baby-brewin' time

First trimester lovin'

Your mons venus i will climb

Sex has never been this good

You're so ripe for plucking

You're always waking up my wood

Si si, my salami you're sucking

Second-trimester lovin'

Baby-bump time

Second-trimester lovin'

Your mons venus i will climb

You lie on your side, my sausage you hide

Big big boobies, i just cried

Your moans and groans wake up the neighbor

One more poke, induce your labor

Third trimester lovin'

Baby-kickin' time

Third trimester lovin'

Your mons venus i will climb

Better Get Back

(a parody of "Baby Got Back" by anthony l. ray)

I blow big farts and I cannot lie
You other mothers can't deny
My lower G.I. gets rumblin'
What happens next is humblin'
I get sprung
Wanna back up tough
'Cause this room's gonna be stuffed
Right through the jeans i'm wearing
This fabric might be tearing
Oh, babe you wanna run away
Nobody's gonna stay
Ain't easy or sleazy
You're feeling so so queasy
Your torture never ends
I farted in your Benz
You're about to be my clown, your window's goin' down

If you hear that whooshing sound when we're driving around

Your window's goin down, your window's goin down

You won't mind, you won't care if it's zero degrees out there

Your window's goin down, your window's goin down

Don't care if it's Manitoba, this stink ain't blowin' over

Your window's goin down, your window's goin down

Don't care if it's Nova Scotia, i been condemned by OSHA

Your window's goin down, your window's goin down

So fellas yeah fellas, are you afraid of this butt?

Gonna shake it, gonna quake it

Quake this healthy butt

You better get back, you better get back
So, ladies yeah ladies, if you wanna roll in my Mercedes
You're gonna protest, you're gonna pout
This white boy's gotta shout
You better get back, you better get back
You'll run out in the cold coz you know this butt is gold

You better get back

Red beans and rice don't miss me, red beans and rice assist me

Better get back, you better get back

Star Trek: Strange New Worlds, season 3

On first viewing, this season falls flat, to the point of making you wonder whether the show lost one of its essential writers. It fares better in a second viewing, but the flaws don't fully fade. Not enough uhura or number one, and a season-opening clank of epic proportion.

-Hegemony, Part II **

Tight and dark ensemble work, as the ship is alone deep in gorn territory, scrambling to prevent a full-scale invasion of Federation space. The solution is a forgivable re-use from STARGATE: ATLANTIS...but far less pardonable is the image of pike praying over a doomed comrade. We cringed when kira did it, but this is far less justifiable.

-Wedding Bell Blues ***

Chapel shows up with new beau roger corby...and suddenly the crew is preparing for spock and chapel's wedding! Corby is the only one who knows reality is wrong, but he can't convince anyone of that fact...especially the puckish wedding planner, who turns out to be our very own...Q! Or trelane, if you will. And we will! Impishly propelled by rhys darby (FLIGHT OF THE CHOCHORDS, OUR FLAG MEANS DEATH), the episode resolves when spock is jarred by corby into an emotional outburst, and regains his senses. The icing on this cake is the voice of john de lancie as trelane's father.

-Shuttle to Kenfori **

The gorn DNA in captain batel (melanie scrofano - WYNONNA EARP, LETTERKENNY) reactivates, forcing pike to take the ship into the klingon neutral zone, for a floral cure. It's a deal with the devil which will make the gorn DNA permanent. Not bad, but the zombies and vengeful klingon feel a bit uninspired.

-A Space Adventure Hour ***

La'an is assigned with testing the experimental "holodeck", and finds herself locked into a 20th-century murder mystery with the safety protocols disabled until she solves the crime. A love letter to the show's history, as she plays a 1969 Hollywood detective investigating a campy sci fi show modeled after TREK itself. The cast stretch their chops, playing very different characters (including another fine turn by paul wesley, sending up the kirk persona). Directed by jonathan frakes, it's thoroughly charming and damn near four stars.

-Through the Lens of Time ***

An archaeological mission under the guidance of corby encounters deadly disaster, as they unknowingly awaken an ancient, malevolent non-corporeal alien who inhabits the body of nurse gamble. This triggers a body-snatching transformation in captain patel as well. The away team must navigate an extra-dimensional maze to return to safety.

-The Sehlat Who Ate Its Tail ***

Enterprise races to the aid of the Farragut, which has been crippled by an outsized, unknown scavenger ship. When the ship returns, spock, chapel, uhura, and scotty are trapped aboard Farragut as the Enterprise is swallowed. Kirk is thrust into command, and reacts with recklessness and crippling uncertainty. Pelia uses 20th-century phones to re-establish ship communication. The triumph is perhaps too easy, but a fine character study foreshadowing a crew to come.

-What is Starfleet? ***

This one bangs harder on the four-star door than any other entry this season. Ortegas' civilian brother is aboard, creating a documentary. His angle is adversarial, as he questions whether the Federation is just a colonizing empire. This is a fair question, especially as nick meyer, one of the most influential creators in TREK history, willfully pushed the franchise in a "gunboat diplomacy" direction.

-Four-and-a-Half Vulcans ***

An away team has their DNA temporarily altered to become vulcan, to save a pre-warp planet where vulcans have already broken the prime directive. Using vulcan logic, the team decides to remain vulcan (though la'an feels rather more romulan than vulcan). A curious vulcan katra expert (patton oswalt - MAGNOLIA, CAPRICA), who has a steamy history with number one, is enlisted to assist. The writers went for it boldly...and it was almost great.

-Terrarium ***

Ortegas crash lands alone on a gas giant moon, on the other side of a wormhole. Its climate is hellish, and the only other castaway is an injured female gorn pilot. They must work together to survive...then the gorn is killed by la'an and a rescue team. This one is almost epicly good...it might have been four stars without uhura's cringeworthy prayer on the bridge.

-New Life and New Civilizations **

The capper to a season-long story about a race of evil aliens imprisoned for millennia, one of whom escapes, while batel has her DNA altered to become the galaxy's protector. Ancient temples, slavish fealty, epic battling...not bad, but i'm not sure what any of this has to do with science fiction. Pike sees (or "lives, a la "Inner Light") a timeline in which he and she live to old age...well, it ain't awful.

Politickle

Mindful monarch, make monopoly forbade

Domination the assassin of invention

Wise republic, infrastructure lavish-laid

Only by trade, prosperity made

Beware the bloated big gov beast

Stagnant corruption cripples the feast