Bazaar Cafe showcase Saturday!

 

Cardboard Sign

One day i'll have a homemade cardboard sign

It'll say "fuck the man, fuck the man, fuck the man"

One day i'll have a homemade cardboard sign

Coz i'm an american

One day i'll have a fancy sports car

It'll honk "fuck the man, fuck the man, fuck the man"

One day i'll have a fancy sports car

Coz i'm an american

One day a tech bro's wife

gonna divorce him and take all his dough

So she can spend it on me

Just her and me, wheeeeee

One day i'll have a robot sex doll

It'll moan "fuck the man, fuck the man, fuck the man"

One day i'll have a robot sex doll

Coz i'm an american

How can i have a homemade cardboard sign

when i don't have a home

Crime is the child of poverty

in the land where buffalo used to roam

How soon will the world be saved

by Universal Basic Income

Everyone sing the song

Everybody bang the drum

UBI, UBI let's give it a try, let's give it a try

UBI, UBI the mountain ain't high, it ain't high

UBI, UBI everybody can come

Universal Basic Income, everyone bang the drum

Anesthetized

You can be morally rich or monetarily rich

But you can't be both, you can't be both

Protect your wallet or protect the weak

You can't do both, you can't do both

You can be anesthetized, or you can be living

You can be forgiven, or be forgiving

Life's for giving, love's for giving

The rich are dying, not living

Anesthetized with unfeeling eyes

The poor wanna be anesthetized too

That's why Budweiser sells billions

and Ben & Jerry's sells gazillions

But when you wake up you're still so blue

I'll Be Washing You

(parody of "Every Breath You Take", by gordon sumner)

I love you more every day
But i just gotta say
When get downwind of you
it stinks like holy poo
so i'll be washing you
Put your clothes in this bag
You smell like a stanky old rag

I don't mean to nag
but you're making me gag
so i'll be washing you
Your hygiene is obscene, making me turn green
Your holy funk of doom could clear out any room
All our friends agree
you smell like horse pee
Just between you and me
you make strangers flee
so i'll be washing you

Stripping you down and tossing you in the tub
We need some righteous rub-a-dub-dub
Your undercarriage needs extra attention
Orifices we shouldn't mention
I keep gagging baby, baby, please

Every pit and every crack

Top to bottom, front to back
Only one thing you lack
Your odor i can't hack so
I'll be washing you
I'll use a scouring pad 
The town will be so glad

Disinfectants and bleach

You just polluted the beach so

I'll be washing you

Everyone agrees you smell like a sewer
Making love with you is like rolling in manure

I'll use a fire hose

We'll burn all your clothes

With a pin on my nose

Make you smell like a rose

I'll be washing you

I'll be washing you

Throw you in a pond

Throw you in a lake

Your stench i cannot take

I'll be washing you

Toss you in a river

Toss you in a lagoon

They can smell you on the moon

so i'll be washing you

Throw you in a puddle

Throw you in a pool

You smell like a stool so

I'll be washing you

Shitshow

Rich white men shit on poor white men

Poor white men shit on white wimyn

Rich white wimyn shit on poor white wimyn

Poor white wimyn shit on everybody else

Brown men shit on brown wimyn

Brown wimyn shit on gay brown wimyn

And everybody, everybody

Everybody shits on the dog

I wish there were a devil to shit on rich white men

But there ain't no hellfire below

Karma's a joke and heaven's a hoax

Welcome to the humyn shitshow

Brown wimyn wanna be white wimyn

Yellow wimyn wanna be white wimyn

Black wimyn wanna be white wimyn

but they'll settle for brown

Ugly folk wanna be pretty

Old folk wanna be young

Everybody wants big boobies

Everybody wants to be hung

I wish there were a devil to shit on rich white men

But there ain't no hellfire below

Karma's a joke and heaven's a hoax

Welcome to the humyn shitshow

From the London Bridge to the Golden Gate

People everywhere are jumpin'

From the Brooklyn Bridge to the Banpo Bridge

People would rather be humpin'

We all need to be mothered

No one wants to be othered

No man wants to be smothered

when a baddie bats her eyes

We're all self-absorbed twits

Most of us selfish shits

The love game is the pits

Everybody lies

I wish there were a devil to shit on rich white men

But there ain't no hellfire below

Karma's a joke and heaven's a hoax

Welcome to the humyn shitshow

Lazy

(parody of "Crazy", by Gnarls Barkley)

I remember when, i remember when we first made love
You asked my favorite posish
I said, here's my wish, mmm
Don't like missionary, i don't like doggy style
Don't want the happy baby or the CAT
Being on bottom is where it's at, mm
Does that make me lazy, does that make me lazy, does that make me lazy?
Possibly
She said we might have the sexual time of our life
I don't like the lotus, and the leapfrog ain't nice, mm
Don't like the little dipper, i don't like stand and deliver
I wanna cowgirl your pole, i like to be in control
Does that make me lazy, does the make me lazy, does that make me lazy
Probably
I don't like the wheelbarrrow, she don't like the flat iron
And the butter churner, we find that so tirin', mm-hmm
I don't like spooning, she don't like the waterfall
And the pearly gates, we don't like that at all
Does that make us lazy, does that make us lazy, does that make us lazy?
It really could be
No pretzel, no hot seat, and no seashell

And the mountain climber can go to hell

No stairway to heaven, no no no ballet dancer

The pinball wizard, that ain't the answer

Does that make us lazy, does that make us lazy, does that make us lazy?
Indubitably

Original lyrics by Gian Franco Reverberi, Gian Piero Reverberi, Thomas Decarlo Callaway

Not-Ends 50

Where will the euphemistic degradation of our language end? "NEWS FLASH, HOLLYWOOD: Nick Reiner passed away his parents last night."

Why do we have godparents, but not devilparents?

Romantically, young men have patience with no humility, and old men have humility with no patience. Sorry, ladies.

Having a baby is like saying, "I've got nothing to do for the next eighteen years, AND i'm a big fan of ingratitude!" Are you INSANE?? Who would do that?

To believe in god, is to declare that there's nothing you won't believe in.

Never believe anything anyone tells you. Including what you tell yourself.

I'm not like most men. I don't want to fuck ALL wimyn. Just the ones who don't look like me.

Rejecting common sense is just good common sense.

Red-Baring: a television series that starts with a burst of sexy nudity, then devolves into PG flaccidity.

If a womyn wants a man to be long-term monogamously faithful, the smartest thing she can do is to buy him a nuru massage once a week (she cannot provide this service herself - that would undo her intended manipulation).

Should she also stipulate that it never be the SAME nuru therapist? Perhaps. In any case, he will eagerly agree. And the whole ploy might actually work, pulling off a minor miracle indeed.