Funny for Nothing

-parody of "Money for Nothing" by Dire Straits

Look at them tech bros, that's the way you do it
Hoarding money in the bourgeoisie
That ain't workin', that's the way you do it
I guess i'm funny for nothing coz chicks ain't free

That ain't workin', that's the way you do it
Lemme tell ya, them guys ain't dumb
Maybe get chlamydia on your little finger
A little chlamydia on your thumb

I killed at the open mic
I killed at the library
I killed at the farmer's market
But they never put me on TV

Trust fund baby jetting around the world
Buying plugs for his thinning hair
He's on the board of three corporations
Trust fund baby is a millionaire

I killed at the open mic
I killed at the library
I killed at the farmer's market
But they never put me on TV

I shoulda majored in business
Not french impressionist art
Trust fund baby burning benjamins at the resort
Wet T-shirt contest gonna start

And what's that there, someone sleeping on the street
Shutting our doors to the refugee
Trust fund baby stepping over the homeless
It's funny for nothing, coz misery's free

I killed at the open mic
I killed at the library
I killed at the farmer's market
But they never put me on TV

Look at them tech bros, that's the way you do it
Hoarding money in the bourgeoisie
That ain't workin', that's the way you do it
I'm funny for nothing coz chicks ain't free

Funny for nothing, chicks ain't free
Funny for nothing, chicks ain't free

I guess it's, i guess it's, i guess it's mary palm for me

I guess it's, i guess it's, i guess it's mary palm for me

I guess it's, i guess it's, i guess it's mary palm for me

Funny for nothing, coz chicks ain't free

Scrolling 'Til i Weep

(parody of "Rolling in the Deep", by adele)

There's an emptiness burning in my heart
Lonely and listless, taking me to the dark
I can't find a friend but i don't care
Got a magic carpet, takes me anywhere
On my laptop, phone, or neural implants
Sitting on my bed, i don't need pants
So much emptiness burning in my heart
Some kitten videos save me from the dark
I get some ice cream and turn on the screen
My new A.I. friend tells me what it means
Real life leaves me so listless
I can't help feeling
I want to watch it all
Scrolling til i weep
Dopamine sparks in my head
So i play it on repeat
Infinite scrolling, my best friend
Algorithm knows what i want, it'll never ever end
Think of me in the depths of my despair
But my Discord community they really really care
20 reaction videos to my favorite song
Then 20 cover versions so i can sing along
These damn kitten videos never ever stop

I can't help feeling
I want to watch it all
Scrolling til i weep
Dopamine sparks in my head
So i play it on repeat
Product demos and reviews
They hit the spot for me
Apparently

I want a brand new bikini
I can scroll through any open door
Tiktoks to Ted Talks more more more more more
How-to videos are my current craze
Livestreams, micro-vlogging i can watch for days
I wanna watch it all
I wanna watch it all

It all, it all, it all

I want to watch it all
Scrolling til i scream
I can't get more ice cream
I might miss, miss the newest meme

I want to watch it all
Scrolling til i weep
Dopamine sparks in my head
So i play it on repeat

Moronic

A young man read his horoscope
It said life's no good, he put his neck in a rope
A young womyn has her cards read
They say life sucks, she kills herself dead

Isn't it moronic?
Don't you think?

An invisible friend when you're older than five
Protecting fetuses without protecting those alive

Poor people voting tax breaks for the rich
Who would've thought? It figures

White girl from the burbs think's spirituality's neat
At the guru convention she buys a front row seat
Guided meditation make her world right
500 bucks for pilgrim robes, she thinks "this is so nice"

Isn't it moronic?

Don't you think?

An invisible friend when you're older than five
Protecting fetuses without protecting those alive

Poor people voting tax breaks for the rich
Who would've thought? It figures

Maybe the universe sends you signs
Maybe the universe just winked at you
Maybe the universe keeps you in mind
Universe really cares about you

It's reincarnation but only for hairless apes
No female revolution after ten billion rapes
You don't believe in santa but you do believe in ghosts
You believe in angels too, your head's thick as a post

Isn't it moronic?
Don't you think?
A little too moronic
I really do think

An invisible friend when you're older than five
Protecting fetuses without protecting those alive

Poor people voting tax breaks for the rich
Who would've thought? It figures

Maybe the universe sends you signs
Maybe the universe really winks at you

Welcome to Hell

Give us your tired your poor

The statue of liberty's gone blind

We don't want refugees no more

I think i'm losing my mind

McyD's the only food we got

Hallmark Channel on the tube

Taylor swift stuck on repeat

and the devil don't use lube

Welcome to hell

Sweet babies, welcome to hell

A rebel yell with sweet cowbell

Welcome to hell

A reality TV star in the oval

A racist oozing self-hate

Incompetent cronies kiss his ass

Ain't manifest destiny great

McyD's the only food we got

Hallmark Channel on the tube

Taylor swift stuck on repeat

and the devil don't use lube

Welcome to hell

Sweet babies, welcome to hell

A rebel yell with sweet cowbell

Welcome to hell

Exploiting brown people for profit

Blaming them for all our shit

We never look in the mirror

The world's biggest hypocrite

Give us your tired your poor

The statue of liberty's gone blind

We don't want refugees no more

I think i'm losing my mind

McyD's the only food we got

Hallmark Channel on the tube

Taylor swift stuck on repeat

and the devil don't use lube

Welcome to hell

Sweet babies, welcome to hell

A rebel yell with sweet cowbell

Welcome to hell

Treksy and i Know It

-parody of "Sexy and I Know It", by LMFAO (original song by stefan kendal gordy, george m. robertson, erin beck, GoonRock, and kenneth oliver)

When i wear spock ears, girls be looking like, "Damn, he queer"

Mccoy say crammit, not a plumber dammit 

Sulu so fly, naked swordsman, oh oh my

Uhura steal the show, swahili queen got glow
Beam me up, scotty
Beam me up, scotty
Beam me up, scotty
I kirk out
Beam me up, scotty
Beam me up, scotty
Beam me up, scotty
I kirk out

Black and white aliens, that's allegory
One side white, one side black, humynity
Phasers on stun, no more brutality
Don't kill the horta, just a mommy
I'm treksy and i know it
I'm treksy and i know it
Doc beverly show class, tasha yar kicking ass
Black captain DS9, so so fine
Female captain Voyager, so strong so secure
Drink romulan ale, go save a whale
Beam me up, scotty
Beam me up, scotty
Beam me up, scotty
I kirk out

Beam me up, scotty
Beam me up, scotty
Beam me up, scotty
I kirk out
j.j. abrams films wretched to see
No story no smarts no allegory
Strange New Worlds finally make it right

Trekkie magic outtasight
I'm treksy and i know it
I'm treksy and i know it
Tribble, tribble, tribble, tribble, tribble, khan

Tribble, tribble, tribble, tribble, tribble, khan

Tribble, tribble, tribble, tribble, tribble, khan

Beam me up, scotty
Beam me up, scotty
Beam me up, scotty
I kirk out

Beam me up, scotty
Beam me up, scotty
Beam me up, scotty
I kirk out
I'm treksy and i know it

Oxytocin-Drunk

I've been in a situationship for three years. I want to make caring for her a part of my life forever...yet she has far too often been THIS close to throwing our relationship away. Why? Because i don't want to stop wanting other wimyn.

This is NOT a weakness or character flaw. It's actually a little miracle. That i want to, and am capable of, loving more than one person, is beautiful. I mean real love, not the fake transactional bullshit we see all around us. Being able to see someone's fears, vanities...all our ugly bits...being able to see that and still say "I can love you".

Most people are too crippled in their own self-love, to be able to love anyone else. Against the odds, my self-love is brimming.

Real love. I long for it every day. In amounts that one person can't possibly fulfill. Any other fate feels like a prison sentence shockingly cruel.

Input all that into most wimyn's brains, and their heads will explode.

I get that part of this is biological. Males and females experience sexuality differently. There is much common ground, we all consume the same ingredients in the stew of love...but the quantities are wildly different. During sex, the female brain produces fifty times more oxytocin than the male. Oxytocin is the bonding hormone. So it's entirely fair to say that no man will ever begin to understand what sex feels like for a womyn.

I get all that...and yet, historically it's time for wimyn to pull their heads out of their asses. To see the cultural aspects of sex, how it's been poisoned by patriarchal possessiveness and fear. We need to be smarter than our biology, else we will only keep perpetuating cycles of cruelty and self-hate. It feels like wimyn are forever waiting for men to be just like them. That is never ever EVER going to happen.

Men are not waiting for wimyn to be like men. They would never dream of being so willfully stupid. This is the ONLY area in which men are reliably smarter than wimyn.

Or put another way, most wimyn seem genuinely surprised when a man acts like a man. No man is ever surprised when a womyn acts like a womyn.

Science has learned too much about our biological natures, to keep stumbling in the shadow of our parents' fears.

Why am i picking on females?

Because if we're counting on men to fix the mess they've made of our species...it's probably never going to happen.

Fixing humynity will require wimyn to lead the way. In sex and all else, wimyn must lead.

At long last, let's lay our stupidity down.

Cardboard Sign

One day i'll have a homemade cardboard sign

It'll say "fuck the man, fuck the man, fuck the man"

One day i'll have a homemade cardboard sign

Coz i'm an american

One day i'll have a fancy sports car

It'll honk "fuck the man, fuck the man, fuck the man"

One day i'll have a fancy sports car

Coz i'm an american

One day a tech bro's wife

gonna divorce him and take all his dough

So she can spend it on me

Just her and me, wheeeeee

One day i'll have a robot sex doll

It'll moan "fuck the man, fuck the man, fuck the man"

One day i'll have a robot sex doll

Coz i'm an american

How can i have a homemade cardboard sign

when i don't have a home

Crime is the child of poverty

in the land where buffalo used to roam

How soon will the world be saved

by Universal Basic Income

Everyone sing the song

Everybody bang the drum

UBI, UBI let's give it a try, let's give it a try

UBI, UBI the mountain ain't high, it ain't high

UBI, UBI everybody can come

Universal Basic Income, everyone bang the drum