Lazy

(parody of "Crazy", by Gnarls Barkley)

I remember when, i remember when we first made love
You asked my favorite posish
I said, here's my wish, mmm
Don't like missionary, i don't like doggy style
Don't want the happy baby or the CAT
Being on bottom is where it's at, mm
Does that make me lazy, does that make me lazy, does that make me lazy?
Possibly
She said we might have the sexual time of our life
I don't like the lotus, and the leapfrog ain't nice, mm
Don't like the little dipper, i don't like stand and deliver
I wanna cowgirl your pole, i like to be in control
Does that make me lazy, does the make me lazy, does that make me lazy
Probably
I don't like the wheelbarrrow, she don't like the flat iron
And the butter churner, we find that so tirin', mm-hmm
I don't like spooning, she don't like the waterfall
And the pearly gates, we don't like that at all
Does that make us lazy, does that make us lazy, does that make us lazy?
It really could be
No pretzel, no hot seat, and no seashell

And the mountain climber can go to hell

No stairway to heaven, no no no ballet dancer

The pinball wizard, that ain't the answer

Does that make us lazy, does that make us lazy, does that make us lazy?
Indubitably

Original lyrics by Gian Franco Reverberi, Gian Piero Reverberi, Thomas Decarlo Callaway

Not-Ends 50

Where will the euphemistic degradation of our language end? "NEWS FLASH, HOLLYWOOD: Nick Reiner passed away his parents last night."

Why do we have godparents, but not devilparents?

Romantically, young men have patience with no humility, and old men have humility with no patience. Sorry, ladies.

Having a baby is like saying, "I've got nothing to do for the next eighteen years, AND i'm a big fan of ingratitude!" Are you INSANE?? Who would do that?

To believe in god, is to declare that there's nothing you won't believe in.

Never believe anything anyone tells you. Including what you tell yourself.

I'm not like most men. I don't want to fuck ALL wimyn. Just the ones who don't look like me.

Rejecting common sense is just good common sense.

Red-Baring: a television series that starts with a burst of sexy nudity, then devolves into PG flaccidity.

If a womyn wants a man to be long-term monogamously faithful, the smartest thing she can do is to buy him a nuru massage once a week (she cannot provide this service herself - that would undo her intended manipulation).

Should she also stipulate that it never be the SAME nuru therapist? Perhaps. In any case, he will eagerly agree. And the whole ploy might actually work, pulling off a minor miracle indeed.

The Ballad of Butt

Butt riley was a hell of a man

Had the hardest head

in all the land

King of the hoodlums in that city by the Bay

Don't make him frown

He'll make you pay

Here comes butt

On the Frisco streets there weren't none meaner

He would head-butt any fool to the floor

Breaking and entering was his stock-in-trade

His thick skull could bash in any door

Here comes butt, here comes butt

Be very afraid, it's butt

He's gonna knock your world down

Here comes butt

Run away, he's gonna make you his clown

He didn't have a gang

but he ran with 'em all

The bad guys quivered

when butt came to call

Woke in the morgue and said "doc, i ain't dead

That'll take more'n one ball of lead"

Here comes butt, here comes butt

Be very afraid, it's butt

He's gonna knock your world down

Here comes butt

Run away, he's gonna make you his clown

The ladies loved butt

Kept his picture over their beds

When butt dropped his pants

everyone turned their heads

The ladies loved butt

They were not ashamed to say

Their smiles told the world

they had butt sex today

But the mighty they do fall

and so too butt's reign of wrath

One fateful day a door of oak

stood in his path

He crashed on through but as the splinters flew

here's what butt riley said

"Ow, that hurt my head"

Here comes butt, here comes butt

Be very afraid, it's butt

He's gonna knock your world down

Here comes butt

Run away, he's gonna make you his clown

If i Were Gay, i Wouldn't Date a White Guy

If i were gay, i wouldn't date a white guy

I mean, well who would

If i were gay, i wouldn't date a white guy

I don't think anybody should

Bland and kinda boring 

Their fashion leaves me snoring

Smug and satisfied

Take the children and hide

If i were gay, i wouldn't date a white guy

They ain't up to no good

If i were gay, i wouldn't date a white guy

I mean, well who would

If i were gay, i wouldn't date a white guy

I don't think anybody should

Uptight and pretentious

They talk and talk all day

That one beats his dog

They just won't go away

If i were gay, i wouldn't date a white guy

They ain't up to no good

How can they be so vanilla

when they use so much hot sauce

How do they look in the mirror

How do they carry that cross

If i were gay, i wouldn't date a white guy

I mean, well who would

If i were gay, i wouldn't date a white guy

I don't think anybody should

The poster children

for rape and pillage

Oh daddy dear daddy

let's burn that native village

If i were gay, i wouldn't date a white guy

And i don't think anybody should

They ain't misunderstood

They might have a white hood

They ain't up to no good

Blunderwood

(parody of "9 to 5", by dolly parton)

I turn on the tube for the inauguration
Circus time for a fractured nation
Pomp, circumstance, political divide

I see a sight and i start snarling
Everybody's american idol darling
singing for the rapist-in-chief, i nearly cried

Why'd you do it, why'd you croon for old d. trump
You really blew it, your career just hit the dump

I hope they paid you well, living in style

You kissed the caboose of a racist pedophile

Why'd you do it, was there a gun to your head 
Your agent's on the line, wishing they were dead
The world's watching us with disgust and shame

You took a torch to your good name

Don't say you didn't know about trump's manure
The man you serenaded is a moral sewer
His repulsiveness perfectly reliable

You claim to love jesus through and through
while you bow to donald's golden statue
The god he loves ain't nowhere in your bible

Why'd you do it, why'd you croon for old d. trump
You really blew it, your career just hit the dump

I hope they paid you well, living in style

You kissed the caboose of a racist pedophile

Why'd you do it, freedom of speech crucified

Those promises he made, he just lied

Did you lust for a little more fortune and fame

How bad do you need to be a household name

Don't get too sad, this ain't the end

Though maybe your money can't buy a friend

One day folks'll forgive and forget

It'll only take a decade or three

'til your song reclaims some harmony

You and will smith in a comeback duet

Why'd you do it, why'd you croon for old d. trump
You really blew it, your career just hit the dump

I hope they paid you well, living in style

You kissed the caboose of a racist pedophile

Why'd you do it, was there a gun to your head 
Your agent's on the line, wishing they were dead
The world's watching us with disgust and shame

You took a torch to your good name

Trimester Tango

I'll lick your toes, cover you in oil

Tummy-tongue time make hormones boil

Thermometer in, makin' you grin

Mercury no lie, time to try

Ovulation lovin'

Baby-makin' time

Ovulation lovin'

Your mons venus i will climb

Your menstrual flow, no no mo

You ride me hard, hard and slow

Morning sickness might hit your head

We keep a trash can by the bed

First trimester lovin'

Baby-brewin' time

First trimester lovin'

Your mons venus i will climb

Sex has never been this good

You're so ripe for plucking

You're always waking up my wood

Si si, my salami you're sucking

Second-trimester lovin'

Baby-bump time

Second-trimester lovin'

Your mons venus i will climb

You lie on your side, my sausage you hide

Big big boobies, i just cried

Your moans and groans wake up the neighbor

One more poke, induce your labor

Third trimester lovin'

Baby-kickin' time

Third trimester lovin'

Your mons venus i will climb

Better Get Back

(a parody of "Baby Got Back" by anthony l. ray)

I blow big farts and I cannot lie
You other mothers can't deny
My lower G.I. gets rumblin'
What happens next is humblin'
I get sprung
Wanna back up tough
'Cause this room's gonna be stuffed
Right through the jeans i'm wearing
This fabric might be tearing
Oh, babe you wanna run away
Nobody's gonna stay
Ain't easy or sleazy
You're feeling so so queasy
Your torture never ends
I farted in your Benz
You're about to be my clown, your window's goin' down

If you hear that whooshing sound when we're driving around

Your window's goin down, your window's goin down

You won't mind, you won't care if it's zero degrees out there

Your window's goin down, your window's goin down

Don't care if it's Manitoba, this stink ain't blowin' over

Your window's goin down, your window's goin down

Don't care if it's Nova Scotia, i been condemned by OSHA

Your window's goin down, your window's goin down

So fellas yeah fellas, are you afraid of this butt?

Gonna shake it, gonna quake it

Quake this healthy butt

You better get back, you better get back
So, ladies yeah ladies, if you wanna roll in my Mercedes
You're gonna protest, you're gonna pout
This white boy's gotta shout
You better get back, you better get back
You'll run out in the cold coz you know this butt is gold

You better get back

Red beans and rice don't miss me, red beans and rice assist me

Better get back, you better get back