naked nurse 21

SOOTHING OUR SOCIAL/SEXUAL/SPIRITUAL STRIFE

Dear naked nurse,
How long does it take to grow out of shallow romantic superficiality? When do we stop caring about thin/fat, rich/poor, beautiful/ugly?
-shamed in Chicago

Dear shamed,
Some will achieve full non-shallow maturity...on our deathbed! Before that, lotsa luck. I wish i could be more encouraging, but selfishness is our core cultural value, scarcity is the societal status quo, and fear our primary motivation. All that was a crippling cocktail a century ago, but in the mass media age, it's devastating. By the time we're teenagers, the exponential, excremental, endless unfolding of unnatural, sexist, ageist beauty images burned into our brains is baggage we'll never unlearn.
In all fairness, a tiny percentage of us, after years of focused discipline, do come close to actual non-shallowness. But it's always a house of cards.
Of course, many others embody a surface (ha!) approximation of non-shallowness, simply due to limited options. Limited options, not love, makes the world go 'round.
How can we nudge ourselves onto the non-shallow path? It's a long, hard road of unflinching self-analysis. A great starter is this three-movie marathon: "Shallow Hal", Lovely & Amazing", and "Fat Girl". Watch, and let the internal (or external) dialogues begin.
unflinching understandings,
the naked nurse

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naked nurse 20

SOOTHING OUR SOCIAL/SEXUAL/SPIRITUAL STRIFE

Dear naked nurse,
Any tips for new lovers?
-smitten in Smyrna

Lovers are made of head, heart, and hormone (though head and "heart" are physiologically non-discrete, they FEEL different). In loving, all that matters is heart and hormone! By the time we're adults, our heads are pretty much useless - broken, neurotic, selfish messes. Nothing good will arise, when heads enter the loving bed.

When a new lover enters our life, we heap all our baggage and expectations upon them. Half of that is inevitable - we don't control our baggage, it controls us. With decades of spiritual practice, you may learn to diminish (or not project) said baggage...but that's no use to your new lover today.
Expectations are all you control...which almost no one does.

All of the aforementioned will make your loving better, though not necessarily your living. On that, it might have the opposite effect.
unburdened ungulations,
the naked nurse

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naked nurse 19

SOOTHING OUR SOCIAL/SEXUAL/SPIRITUAL STRIFE

Dear naked nurse,
Outercourse? What the hell's "outercourse"?? Just another prudish practical joke from the abstinence brigade?
-puzzled in Pennington

Dear puzzled,
Outercourse is genital/genital stimulation without penetration...and i'm a bit baffled too. Pre- (or even non-) penetrative up-and-down erection sliding between the vaginal lips has ALWAYS been one of my favorite pastimes. It's also a great way to take things slowly in a new relationship, while avoiding the dreaded condom! In theory, it sounds wonderful for the womyn, a perfect formula for maximal clitoral stimulation...which addresses one of the major complaints with intercourse, the contention that "barrel thrusting" leaves many wimyn feeling non-orgasmic and used.  Some couples seek out modifications such as the "coital alignment technique" (the naked nurse recommends!).
However...even though outercourse sounds perfect for her, in my humble experience, when you offer a womyn limitless genital/genital stimulation without penetration, many respond with "Mmmmmmmm...NO, that's really not going to do it for me."
Help us, clitoral crowd! Write in! We need guidance!
generous grindings,
the naked nurse

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naked nurse 18

SOOTHING OUR SOCIAL/SEXUAL/SPIRITUAL STRIFE

Dear naked nurse,
With romance and sex, is there anything i should always know about someone before getting involved?
-randy in Roanoake

Dear randy,
When i'm attracted to someone, i ask myself just one question. How will meeting the greatest lover of their life affect them?
I'm sorry...did you want the playful answer or the serious one (or the playfully serious one, in this case)?
But in a sane world, your question wouldn't make any sense! Sex should be the least self-conscious thing in life, yet somehow we've made it the complete opposite. If anyone ever loved you fearlessly and without walls, your poor brain would explode. But we keep trying, because we need love and touch to stay sane. See many sane people lately?
If you had a comprehensive answer to your question, you'd never leave home. Following pure "instinct" can be a wonderful ride, but begs for personality catastrophe. Choosing someone with your head? Also a disaster waiting to happen. In an ideal world you could love anyone reasonably well, but here...if you don't feel a powerful instant reaction, STAY AWAY. That's a horrible, myopic, anti-social reality, but it's "wise". Overall, the best you can hope for is chemistry plus mutually aligned selfishnesses, a formula that promises happiness for a year or two.
prehistoric pairings,
the naked nurse

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naked nurse 17

SOOTHING OUR SOCIAL/SEXUAL/SPIRITUAL STRIFE

Dear naked nurse,
What damages us most...the absence of pure love, or the presence of poisoned love?
-forlorn in Flagstaff

Dear forlorn,
That's a question for the bullshit philosophers, not a professional like myse-
Oh, wait. I AM a bullshit philosopher.
Yeah, i'm coming up empty. Even bullshit philosophy apparently has its limits - who knew??
I recommend you invent a word, one that feels fun rolling around your tongue, and walk around whispering it to yourself. Make up a definition. Or not. It's all YOU, baby.
If you need help, take my word for today - "haroopie". Go crazy.
rhapsodic ramblings,
the naked nurse

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naked nurse 16

SOOTHING OUR SOCIAL/SEXUAL/SPIRITUAL STRIFE

Dear naked nurse,

What's going on with Asian women's hair?? Over the past couple decades, something hinky happened! Light brown hair, reddish hair...I'm confused, I'm conflicted, I'm...

-miserable in Mineola

Dear miserable,

Breathe. Release that blockage, realign your chakras...this is about personal expression and...

I'm sorry, i can't back that up. You're right, it's awful. It's just lemmings following the vain, dim-witted horde. For a long time, there was resentment toward asian wimyn from non-asian wimyn, and harsh judgments against the non-asian men who chased them. These men were accused of wanting a submissive womyn. But here's the truth - it was just about the hair, and integrity, and natural beauty (or at least the relative appearance of such things). Non-asian men (aside from the obvious idiots, of course) looked hopelessly at the blonde plague that befell white wimyn...and the less said about the death of the afro, the better. We cried at what these wimyn were doing to themselves, for we knew that it was NOTHING to do with personal expression. We bemoaned the money and time wasted chasing the gods of vanity and conformity, and saw asian wimyn as the last bastion of sanity (latinas had great hair, but they usually had that god thing going...). Of course, we knew that it wasn't true in any encompassing sense - ask yourself why you've almost never seen a photo of an asian womyn with her chin held high. But on the surface, all that soft, beautiful, natural hair helped some of us stay afloat in a lost world.

consoling commiserations,

the naked nurse

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naked nurse 15

SOOTHING OUR SOCIAL/SEXUAL/SPIRITUAL STRIFE

Dear naked nurse,
What's the deal with horror movies?? I'm not talking "The Exorcist", i'm talking slasher pics. There's a million of them, with a million sequels each! I tried to get through one, for my boyfriend's sake. It was horrifying, and not for the reasons they intended! Who's watching these things (aside from my soon-to-be ex?)???
-alarmed in Alameda

Dear alarmed,
There are two main realities. The first is desensitization reinforcement. Living in this culture requires that we socialize many natural feelings out of our children, in order to prepare them for the fear and loneliness and violence that permeates this world. In order to make those things feel "normal", we have to stunt our children's natural empathy. Even though we've succeeded in this beyond anybody's wildest nightmare, humanity has a way of forever trying to re-manifest, so slasher films are a form of dehumanization reinforcement. If we can watch a fake beheading or disembowelment and not be affected, then we'll certainly be able to stand by while those around us descend into depressions or addictions or aggressions against others (or themselves).
Secondly, horror films are a substitute for our own fears and traumas, but one which we can completely control (this is where slasher and horror perform the same social function). We know when the film starts that WE won't be killed, and that even if the monsters get away with unending murder, there will always be at least one plucky survivor (who is a proxy for us, the viewer). Horror films tap into our subconscious need to survive this brutal, unfeeling real world in which we all live.
I understand your desire to flee your slasher-loving lover. That's a sane response. But try to remember how much subconscious pain they're in. These films are their coping device.
watching "My Dinner with Andre",
the naked nurse

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naked nurse 14

SOOTHING OUR SOCIAL/SPIRITUAL/SEXUAL STRIFE

Dear naked nurse,
Do men only want you, until they have you?? I dated men my own age, and it was CRAP. Then i took my BF's advice and tried older men...which was great for a while, until the SAME OLD BULLSHIT!!! Are all men assholes?
-pissed in poughkeepsie

Dear pissed,
Yes.
To the second question, not the first! To the first...not necessarily (in any barbaric time, there are individuals who perceive the insanity and try to swim against the current...but most of them drown). Most assuredly though, all men ARE assholes. Don't get smug or superior - so are wimyn. We ALL act as predators in the realm of love. We leverage whatever "attractiveness" society deems we have, to get the "best" mate we can. Despite the mawkish love songs, it's simple negotiation, where economics rule, not heart. The only difference between the sexes is that society gives greater permission for men to break the mated bond in the service of their sex drive (the same drive that wimyn have...but they're socialized and stigmatized more prohibitively).
Loving is giving without thought of obligation, and neither men nor wimyn know how to do that.
If men aren't bringing you happiness (and why would they?), i recommend serious study of the most current science of sexuality. If healthier perspectives don't bring you joy (and they probably won't)...try a womyn! If that doesn't work, try cryogenics...in another century or two, we may finally get back to the garden.
heartfelt hugs,
the naked nurse

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naked nurse 13

SOOTHING OUR SOCIAL/SPIRITUAL/SEXUAL STRIFE

Dear naked nurse,
You do so much for us! When you have a problem, to whom do YOU go? Is there anything you'd like to get off your chest?
-solicitous in shropshire

Dear solicitous,
No no, really, i couldn't.
Well...maybe just one in honor of reciprocity.
There are times (and times and other times) when i've no one to love me, and i determine to help myself. When that happens, a little visual stimulation can be just the thing to get those hormones hopping.
So why does it seem so impossible in this internet age to find an online image which ISN'T a blatant turn-off? I don't ask for much. Just a naked woman.
Well okay, without makeup.
Or high heels.
Or fake boobs.
Or airbrushing.
The feminist in me just wants a natural woman.
And oh yeah, a goddamned pubis! Is it too much to ask that a woman NOT look like a pre-adolescent? Whose depraved, pedophilic idea was this whole shaving nonsense? HAD to be a man - just had to.
And no tattoos or piercings...unless she's over the age of FIFTY, otherwise she's just a sheeplike simpleton simpering along. A derivative dingbat dithering away. A photoshopped follower filing out.
And no weaves or straightened hair for black women! Natural black hair is so fucking beautiful. That other stuff the sisters are doing with their heads is nothing anyone would want to touch in a moment of tenderest intimacy. And no crucifix necklaces for christ's sake! I'm trying to get an erection!
You're right, i do feel better. Thank you for caring.

natural nookies,
the naked nurse

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naked nurse 12

SOOTHING OUR SOCIAL/SPIRITUAL/SEXUAL STRIFE

Dear naked nurse,
The fist bump. Yay or nay?
-colorblind in Canarsie

Dear colorblind,
On the surface, it's easy to jump right in. An innovation from the black culture replacing a dusty white tradition? Sounds great! But if you're white and you try it, you perhaps can't escape the nagging feeling that someone's playing a joke on you? Black men are just waiting for you to make a fool of yourself? Then...a brother shares one with you, and everything feels okay. You're progressive! Inclusive (and patronizing)! Give yourself a pat (er, bump) on the back.
Settle down. Take a look at not just the bump, but what it's replacing - the handshake. Figure out the non-verbal shorthand (so to speak). A handshake is what's known as a mimic gesture - a copy of some larger behavior. In this case, the handshake is a mimic of a hug. Two people wrapping themselves around each other (or coming as close as they can, given social restraints). In this world of brother killing brother, color killing color, and everyone killing another, a mini-hug is a whole lot better than no hug at all. It's often the first step toward peace (uneasy or not).
What is a fist bump, body language-wise? As best i can figure, it's either a mimic of 70s cartoon superheroes the wonder twins (unlikely), or...antlered animals head-butting. You can dress it up with hipness and camaraderie, but that's the non-verbal core.
In a world in which civility is strained and universal siblinghood DOA, how can ANY version of a hug not be preferable?
Plus, have you noticed that you never notice women (of ANY color) fist-bumping? Good for you, feminine intuition. As for myself, i've always preferred the roman/Beastmaster forearm squeeze...but that's just me.
So if someone offers you a fist bump, try wrapping your fingers around that outstretched fist. And hug!

multiplicitous mergings,
the naked nurse

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naked nurse 11

SOOTHING OUR SOCIAL/SPIRITUAL/SEXUAL STRIFE

Dear naked nurse,
Thank you for your advice (http://nakedmeadow.blogspot.com/2014/12/naked-nurse.html). I've tried it a couple times, and one of them was probably the best sex i've ever had. All's the more shame that the relationship went boom (and not in the good way). We had so much in common! But self-destruction seems to be the romantic rule, not the exception. Am i just doomed to pick lovers who are wrong for me? Will one person always want more than the other?
-horny in Harrisburg

Dear horny,
By and large...yes. Sorry 'bout that. As long as our society bases romance on the fulfillment of selfish needs, the vast majority of entanglements will sooner or later go, as you say, boom.
But here's a little something that can help. And like the sexual advice i gave you, it's a bit counter-intuitive (in fact, it's almost the same advice, applied to the emotional realm).
Pick a lover whom you really like...but aren't consumed by. Someone you dig...but who has one or two obviously annoying or silly qualities. If we approached relationships thusly, it would be easier to find some measure of equanimity in this all-or-nothing world. We wouldn't get so bent out of shape when little things go wrong. When little imbalances arise. It would be easier to get through those imbalances, perhaps to a time when a different imbalance will run the other way. It would be easier to avoid falling into the trap of letting our lover become our entire world. If she or he has a taste you find tedious, or a hobby you find half-assed...great! It may keep you from "losing your head" in love - which feels great, of course, but in a dog-eat-dog world, isn't the most sensible roman(tac)tic.
salutary snoggings,
the naked nurse

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naked nurse 10

SOOTHING OUR SOCIAL/SPIRITUAL/SEXUAL STRIFE

Dear naked nurse,
What do you think about the argument that humans are inherently selfish (or "evil", as the taterheads say), based upon the behavior of babies?
-gnonplussed in Gnome

Dear gnonplussed,
Are human beings self-oriented by nature? It's hard to imagine that we're not. Yet we're also profoundly social, more so than much of the wild kingdom. Our personalities are determined by the culture in which we happen to be born. Daily social interaction defines humans, and without it an individual will gradually (or not so gradually) go insane.
The thing that sticks in my craw about the argument that babies are evidence of inherent human selfishness, is this - any observation you make of a human under eighteen months, is essentially observation of a fetus. Unlike other mammals (with the exception of kangaroos and a couple others) human newborns aren't fully "baked". Other mammal newborns are pretty much up and around right away, but not us. Evidence suggests that human gestation used to be closer to two and a half years...but our growing brains forced our mommies to push us out earlier and earlier.
So...are you really comfortable judging a species by the behavior of their fetuses?? Cultural anthropologists are amassing evidence that the natural human state is one of radical sharing. If you use "the terrible twos" as evidence that my counterpoint is self-defeating, i'll reply that by the time a child is two, they've already received HUGE amounts of socialization...and living in a greed/competition-based, fearful, violent, touch-deprived society, most of that socialization is (like our society itself, obviously) pretty dysfunctional. For that matter, are you sure the "terrible twos" aren't just a reaction to no longer being held almost constantly, by nearly every adult they meet? I'd get cranky too, if everyone i met hugged the hell out of me for two years, then one day just stopped.
perspicacious ponderings,
the naked nurse

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naked nurse 9

SOOTHING OUR SOCIAL/SPIRITUAL/SEXUAL STRIFE

Dear naked nurse,

Whenever i get into a debate with someone about war, i usually reason them into a corner until...out comes the hitler card! What about hitler, they say! What about hitler??? Can you help a pacifist out?
-exasperated in Evanston

Dear exasperated,

The hitler card can be beaten.
The Holocaust was so awful? You bet. Yet there's no small amount of self-righteous tunnel vision in even allowing that capital H. Every day of our lives, some ethnic group somewhere has been culled by genocide's bloody scythe. But 6 MILLION, your friend says? They want a numbers game - fine (and this will be particularly pertinent if your debate partner is european-american, though other examples abound).
In 1492, there were over a hundred million natives in the "Americas".
Seen many lately?
The eradication of various cultures on this continent dwarfs any similar undertaking in human history. Genocide is just business as usual for the human race, and the nazis? Just U.S. wannabes with a blonde fetish. But more to the point, we didn't go to war with hitler because of genocide. We did so because we didn't cotton to the thought of a country the size of New Mexico conquering the world.
If your friend calls the american genocides ancient history, here are some others the U.S. has dabbled in lately - Bangladesh, Guatemala, Iraq, Rwanda...and those are just the biggies.
At this point, your friend may be chastened. But most non-pacifists are of the "never say die" persuasion (as long as someone else is doing the dying). They might finally have nothing to throw out but the "kill or be killed" dilemma. And there's an easy answer - you kill. But that's a dilemma so specious as to be worthless. In any non-military reality (with humble apologies to domestic abuse victims), the odds of being in a bona fide "kill or be killed" situation are statistically almost nil. Fight or die? Sure. Incapacitate or die? Yeah. Maim or die? It could happen. But don't give me "kill or die" - it's a child's argument. And more to the point, it's got nothing to do with war. War is impersonal. Tribal.
And hitler? He's in the house next door...or in your pants.
War is self-perpetuating.
Greed and exploitation will keep donning religion's cloak, and the killing will go on...
Until we decide to do the obvious.
Make everyone well-fed and well-sexed.
Well-fed, well-sexed folk don't hurt, steal, or kill.
I mean...why would they?

sublime slumbers,
the naked nurse

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naked nurse 8

SOOTHING OUR SOCIAL/SPIRITUAL/SEXUAL STRIFE

Dear naked nurse,
Tiger woods - scumbag who is reaping his karmic comeuppance on the course?
-disillusioned in Dekatur

Dear disillusioned,
Tiger is at worst a bit of an idiot, and at best a simple victim of humanity's sexual self-loathing. Perhaps a bit of a liar too, but there's no evidence of maliciousness (if lying were a crime, all of humanity would be incarcerated...and tiger might be one of the first parolees).
Besides, your karmic calculation doesn't hold water. Since his domestic brouhaha, he's returned to the golf course, where he reestablished himself (for a while) as the number one golfer in the world - a measure of success denied to, well, every other golfer in the world. If that's bad karma, i'll take two. But if you measure success by anything so myopic as winning or losing a child's game, you've demonstrated the depth of a puddle. To measure success by box score, bank ledger, ballot count, title, or trophy wife, is to out yourself as a spiritual child. Nay, infant.
Tiger had sex with lots of women? Anyone bothered by that is an envious puritan with all the scientific understanding of a stump. Humans, male and female alike, are designed to have multiple, concurrent partners. It's our normal, healthy state - that's not opinion, it's science. Anyone who walks away from the opportunity to live thusly, is in about seventeen kinds of denial.
The only way i can fault tiger is for getting married in the first place, especially if the ultra-private affair contained the words "forsaking all others". Then he's a fool who's more interested in appearance than integrity. Maybe he just wanted a "normal" family structure in which to raise children (as though the nuclear family is even a healthy child-rearing paradigm). But don't shed one tear for elin. She signed a prenuptial contract. If she truly believed in "true love" or the sanctity of marriage, she would have thrown that document back in his face.
perky putterings,
the naked nurse

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naked nurse 7

SOOTHING OUR SOCIAL/SPIRITUAL/SEXUAL STRIFE

Dear naked nurse,
If i had a nickel for every time i scared a woman off by telling her i loved her the first time we had sex...i'd have some nickels! What's wrong with people?? Are we really that neurotic?
-lovelorn in little rock

Dear lovelorn,
If you're going to answer your own question, why am i even here?
Asking people to be relaxed and open and accepting (or giving or nurturing or agendaless) any time sex is involved, is like asking slugs to dance - even if they do their best, no one's likely to notice or care. But give us another century or two, and we'll get our caca conjoined.
Right now, there's just far too much at stake when sex is in play. Aside from money, nothing else defines our lives so thoroughly...and for most people, especially women, our sexual choices determine our financial well-being as well.
Nothing could be more natural than telling your lover you love them! It seems a no-brainer. But (again, especially for women), the sex game is all about long-term strategies, so a "premature i love you" throws us off. Ironically, it can sound...shallow. Insincere, instead of truthful and natural. Of course, part of the problem is hormones. Any time we're caught up in the swirls of falling in love, our brains are simply a perplexed passenger. Instead of sensibly kicking them to the curb and enjoying the ride, we try to CONTROL...ourselves, our partners, our precious self-images.
And to play devil's advocate for a moment, an "i love you" in the heat of hormonal passion, is arguably not as objectively truthful as it might feel. Is it truly the other person we love, or simply how we feel with them? To some extent, those realities overlap. Yet often as not, a brain awash in endorphins can wake up a year later and realize that their beloved annoys them no end. Never, ever, ever make life choices while in the first eighteen months of falling in love (of course, to the misery of all, this is precisely the time most of us DO make life choices).
Is there a more honest alternative to the "premature i love you"? How about "i love this". While that has the merit of likely being the most truthful option, it makes a far too shallow clang in our ears. Perhaps "i love us", then? It still has a high degree of honesty, while maintaining a semblance of healthy perspective.
I love us!
I promise, that's not just the hormones talking.
mirthful mountings,
the naked nurse

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naked nurse 6

SOOTHING OUR SOCIAL/SPIRITUAL/SEXUAL STRIFE

Dear naked nurse,
How do fat-bottomed girls feel about the song "Fat-Bottomed Girls"?
-wondering in Westphalia

Dear wondering,
What, you can't just let them make the rocking world go round, and leave it at that? Sigh. Okay, this is the closest i'll probably ever come to dissembling, but...there are probably as many different answers to that question as there are fat-bottomed girls (er, women). Now, you got a smart-ass follow-up about babies and back?
rumpalicious reveries,
the naked nurse

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naked nurse 5

SOOTHING OUR SOCIAL/SPIRITUAL/SEXUAL STRIFE

Dear naked nurse,
A friend and i are always arguing over who has the harder life. I'm married, and he's single. We need this issue resolved once and for all. Who has it worse???
-henpecked in hattiesburg
p.s. There's a $20 in it for you if you know which side your bread is buttered on.

Dear henpecked,
Fortunately, vegans are immune to butter. But there's a $20 in it for you, if you know on which side your modifier is dangled.
Sorry for being acerbic...but you've committed a classic bifurcation. One of you must be right? Piffle! Let's look at this objectively. Being single is a condition marked by loneliness and long stretches of sexlessness. The institution of marriage is fraught with frayed nerves, ever-diminishing testosterone, passion turned to apathy (or far worse)...and long stretches of sexlessness.
Which is worse, you ask? Really?
From what we know of your friend, he's not in that tiny minority of singles who have found some small measure of sanity (i.e. well-supported emotionally, with as much intimacy and sex as needed). And you're clearly not in the microscopic minority of married folk who are the better for it (i.e. haven't overdosed on each other, while maintaining a union that's jealousy-free).
Some people can dismiss the fact that over half of all marriages fail...as though all the remaining, "successful" marriages are some kind of romp in the daisies! But if half are outright failing, what percentage of the rest are barely making it?
Most intentionally single folk however, are only replacing marriage with serial monogamy (or "marriage-lite") - with the same pitfalls of possessiveness, and having one's life precariously defined by a single relationship.
Marriage only ever "worked" when it was based on double standards that favored the male, and socio-economic pressures that made it nigh-impossible for a woman to leave. Yet even then, it's a love-sucking house of lies and denial for the male too.
Until marriage fundamentally changes, it's a sucker's game.
Being single? A sucker's game too!
Whee.
As things stand, is one reality even a little better than the other? Yes. But it's such a pathetic difference that it's not worth mentioning.
And i don't say that just because i don't want you to take your poor friend's money.
selfless snuggles,
the naked nurse

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naked nurse 4

SOOTHING OUR SOCIAL/SPIRITUAL/SEXUAL STRIFE

Dear naked nurse,
Why do we fall for people who are totally, totally, TOTALLY wrong for us? Why???
bothered in Buffalo

Dear bothered,
If you understood the first four words of your question, you wouldn't have bothered with the other ten. You're clinging to the notion that attraction is in some way cognitive. The brain is our biggest sexual organ? That sounds like the kind of trope spun by one who's never had a proper shag. Don't get me wrong - intellectual inclinations can enhance sexual interactions enormously. But they are neither a sufficient (nor even necessary) part of the process. I was once dewy-eyed and (endearingly, i hope) naive enough to think that it was impossible to have great sex in a one-night stand. Poppycock! Why do i pine for a decades-gone affair...with a born-again christian? Why did i once offer to impregnate a narrow-minded champion of monogamy and materialism? What, am i just stupid? Well no, not just. In the last case it had something to do with the fact that hugging her felt more mind-melting than any other hug i'd ever had. In the first case, she tasted better than anyone i've ever tasted. Sexual attraction is physiological, hormonal, and chemical. In humanity's current ignorance and self-loathing, our bodies are infinitely more aggrieved than uplifted by our brains. Impose your intellectual agenda on your reproductive system, at your peril. These bodies be far smarter than we - science is beginning (but only beginning) to catch up with what they understand...things like which potential mate would give us the healthiest offspring, and such. The more our bodies approve of a potential mate, the more feel-good feelings we feel. So LISTEN to those loins! I know it can be frustrating. What to do when a PETA-loving tree-hugger gives you the trembling thigh sweats? What to do when a Tea Party cutie puts you in a barry white moody? Sorry, you're on your own. But your body is infinitely brighter than thou (and bloody tired of your moronic meddling).
care-free conjugations,
the naked nurse

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naked nurse 3

SOOTHING OUR SOCIAL/SPIRITUAL/SEXUAL STRIFE

Dear naked nurse,
Orgasm-faking - yay or nay?
curious in Carlsbad

Dear curious,
Once when i was receiving a righteous snarling, my lover was eventually eager for me to "conclude". I could tell she wanted the big boom. I had told her that oral sex almost never makes me orgasm...but she was so eager and giving, i didn't want to let her down. So i pushed my way onto that plateau. My strainings made for a shabby boom. But it made her happy...which made me happy.
So i get it.
Partly.
Why does orgasm-faking exist? Because humanity is just stepping out from the long shadow of sexual repression, guilt, and shame. What should be a spontaneous, joyous activity is often anything but...and women have had to choke down the brunt of this dehumanization more than men. Only 25% of women have orgasms from intercourse? I'm amazed the number's that high. Come back in a century - that percentage will be at least 50%. In two centuries, woman and man will have returned to the balance that was lost thousands of years ago.
What are the myriad motivations of orgasm-faking?
Sometimes it comes from the desire to make blah sex end.
Sometimes it comes from the desire to be liked...or selfish manipulations (greed, vanity) even more crass. Only a dysfunctional society could impel its members to corrupt the most loving human act. Only a broken world could turn sex into a means to an end, and not an end in itself. The ultimate end of sex is procreation, you say? Nope - that's only half right. Sex is an evolutionary tool by which human society creates and maintains a healthy network of relationships. If you wonder why this world can feel so horribly wrong, look at what we've done to sex.
Sometimes orgasm-faking comes from the desire to make someone feel happy. Or potent! While this motivation is benign, the introduction of deceit (even for noble reasons) into the most primal human sharing is a blindfolded step onto a slippery slope. Even "successful" lies rest on a surface of thin ice. Why play a game both parties can't win?
I can't quite bring myself to say that NO moment of fakery is ever okay, but...
Do you want someone to lie about liking a meal you cooked?
Do you want someone to lie about loving a gift you gave?
Do you want someone to lie about cherishing a poem you penned? A suit you sewed? A bridge you built?
Do you?
Sadly, for some, the answer is yes. Many are trapped in relationships so dysfunctional, that any silver lining, or even the illusion of a lining, is an improvement upon reality.
But that's what's known as a cosmetic improvement.
This world loves cosmetic improvements - somewhere out there, there's a woman you know who allowed a surgeon to "improve" her looks by cutting into her body. She's lying under some man, pretending that his pathetic thrusting is transporting her to nirvana.
Cosmetic improvements.
You deserve better.
Our children deserve better.
mindfully mindless mountings,
the naked nurse

Send queries to nakednursing@yahoo.com!

naked nurse 2

SOOTHING OUR SOCIAL/SPIRITUAL/SEXUAL STRIFE

Dear naked nurse,
A colleague was defending the belief in god, and said that humans have always believed, so the urge to seek higher meaning must be human nature. Can she be right?
frustrated in fresno

Dear frustrated,
Well...she's partly right. But only technically! Her grasp on human nature is comparable to a gibbon's grasp on geometry. As best we can tell (which ain't yet all that well), ancient pre-agricultural societies (or 99% of human history) seem to have generally had some sort of supernatural belief system. But to equate those beliefs with modern conceptions of god is hellaciously misleading. Their gods were more distant than modern ones, who are in our back pockets, up in our grills, and all over our bedrooms (horny buggers!). Ancient gods were more benign - no roasting in hell, reward in heaven, or revelation. They were probably treated more as story than substance - like santa claus, or henry hudson making thunder by bowling ninepins in the sky. God is a concept by which we measure our pain, and humanity is in an epoch of horrifically perverse self-loathing, but to propose that we've always been caught up in existential angst or obsessed by a world other than the one around us, is to project post-agricultural mass misery where it doesn't belong - all data points to the likelihood that ancient humans were happier, healthier, peaceful, well-fed and well-loved (oh my my, were they well-loved).
So throw these perspectives into your ongoing debate...but don't get your hopes up. For do you know who creates an invisible rabbit?
Someone who needs an invisible rabbit.
perspicacious ponderings,
the naked nurse

Send queries to nakednursing@yahoo.com!