seven divorces

Ahh first love! The sky so blue!
Upon bended knee, he promised to be true
Upon her list, he hit all the checks
Daddy and mommy loved him, as did puppy rex
Their wedding year 300 carnal couplings did they share
Their second year 200, quite the randy pair
Their third year 100, still good romance in the air
Their fourth year 50, no cause for despair
Their fifth year 30 - a little too rare?
Their sixth year 20, the magic no longer there
Their seventh year - 2 (and too obligatory to bear)
If you wonder who finally said goodbye
you might blame the stars for shining on high
Divorce in hand, she resolved to do better
She set out to become a romantic go-getter
She would sample love from every angle
She even tried threesomes (and one quadrangle)
Finally she found the one she wanted 'til the end
He adored her - he was her best, best friend
She was using her head, not her heart
He wanted babies, he was ready to start
Their wedding day, she went off the pill
and her chemistry changed - her lust for him went still
Her carnal cravings had turned to rot
Her head loved him, but her ovaries - not
She tried her best to make it right
but when no child came they gave up the fight
One reboundy day she met a man
with model looks and a Hollywood tan
They wed among the roses in june
But she found him in the maid on their honeymoon
Divorce number three, come on down!
Still she knew there was someone better around
She met a foreign prince, and off her feet did she slip
but his highness was a con, seeking citizenship
Then she followed her hormones and married for lust
but his latin love was jealous and full of mistrust
She met a musician, whose songs made her swoon
His lovemaking was brilliant, but a five-minute tune
She married a philanthropist, just the goodest guy
They adopted seven orphans by and by
But parenthood will change you - JUST YOU TRY
He cleaned out her accounts and left her high and dry
A rich man offered to care for her brood
He was ninety-three, and not a statuesque nude
But kids have tummies, and stews must be stewed
Their wedding night she needed hard liquor to get in the mood
He died before long - at least she knew she was set
But there were earlier wives and kids she'd never even met
When it was all doled out, she realized with regret
that she wasn't set yet - she had minimum income net
So she worked all day, and loved her kids at night
with no time for herself and less for mr. right
Strangers showed concern over her sorry plight
but they had their own problems, care as they might
What's the moral, when all has come to pass?
What can we learn from this matrimonial morass?
Whether it be gold or whether it be brass
chasing a ring will kick your silly ass