caps

Why do the madcaps
get all the notoriety?
It doesn't feel fair
to our myriad millenery
Maybe you're a gladcap
Ever ready with a smile
Happy to give a hand
Uncomplaining all the while
Maybe you're a badcap
Dangerous and charming
Does anyone else here
find charming folk alarming?
Maybe you're a radcap
Never doing what you're told
Unpredictable, unrestrictable
Reckless and bold
Maybe you're a sadcap
Have you been "diagnosed"?
Though i find happy people
more unsettling than most
Maybe you're a fadcap
Following along
Let's get tattooed or pierced
while we sing a top 40 song
Maybe you're a hadcap
living in poverty
More and more each day
in this sea of inhumynity
Of course, if you're a madcap
there's no shame in that
In fact, in this nutty world
being mad is where it's at

insanity

I've looked into insanity's eyes
Insanity wants to fuck!
Insanity is a collapsing prison
with rioting inmates amok

Insanity destroys what it loves
and loves what it destroys
Insanity cannibalizes itself
We are insanity's toys

Illusive and elusive
I can't be any clearer
Insanity is why i'm afraid
to look into the mirror

Cuddles!

General-purpose cuddle

Electromagnetic cuddle

Thermometric cuddle

Petrol cuddle

Nail cuddle

Pipe cuddle

Smoke cuddle

Time cuddle

Improvised explosive cuddle

Cluster cuddle

Non-conventional cuddle

Pressure-cooker cuddle

Glide cuddle

Bouncing cuddle

Car cuddle

Barrel cuddle

Laser guided cuddle

Unguided cuddle

Flour cuddle

Stink cuddle

Massive Ordinance Air Blast cuddle

Smart cuddle

Dumb cuddle

Suicide cuddle

Molotov cuddle

Suitcase cuddle

Anti-personnel cuddle

Cobalt cuddle

Napalm cuddle

Bunker buster cuddle

Atomic cuddle

Hydrogen cuddle

Neutron cuddle

Mother of all cuddles

Dirty cuddle

covidesolation

How am i holding up under quarantine? Inshelteration, shall we say?

Cracks are starting to show.

I live alone in a pandemic. Not literally true, but true enough, as i have almost no contact with my housemates that could be described as humyn. An overstatement, perhaps...but i haven't touched another humyn for the better part of a year.

At first, i observed that things weren't so very different from normal life in this culture of alienation, in which i hadn't had sex or serious cuddling in two years. The main difference was psychological - feeling cut off from possibility was a punishing weight. Where there's life, there's hope, but that was suddenly in short supply.

At least in the old days, i got the occasional hug. Has it affected my health deleteriously, to be without even that? Maybe.

My energy was fine for many months. My creativity was bursting, as i tore through projects i'd put off. It was, however, easy to grow weary of online calls and events. The two-dimensionality almost made me feel worse, not better. To say nothing of seeing others with loved ones (or at least tolerated ones).

How often have my thoughts turned to the holocaust of irreparable trauma in our culture's prison system, where we casually inflict far worse on millions of humyns every single day?

After a few months, the insomnia i'd had touches of in recent years, returned. It came and went, for weeks at a time. Yesterday was the worst, as my after-lunch nap stretched to two hours, and once i awoke couldn't recover from fuzzy-headed inertia. It was the first time i've ever been almost incapable of motivating myself to do my daily music practice. I pushed myself outside and ran. It didn't help.

I've been able to observe my own impatience with others. There's an edge, a curtness that i don't seem quite able to control. It's slight enough that perhaps no one's noticed...but it's there.

Have i embraced escapist behavior? Not as obviously as for many, but yes. I haven't added new behaviors, nor relapsed into sweet sugar surrender, but...there's been the occasional salt/fat chip indulgence in the middle of the night.

My indulgence in movies and shows has increased a bit. An extra episode at the end of the day...maybe two, on insomniacal nights.

My strongest escapist response has been the hunting behavior that came to life when retail stores re-opened. I've spent a few hundred dollars chasing CDs.

Am i sliding into depression? It's hard to say...my fuzzy-headed inertia would certainly be a by-product of insomnia, but it's probably foolish to think that's the whole reason (or that insomnia and depression can be separated cleanly).

I need to get some genuine humyn contact, some love and physical intimacy, into my bubble. If i can't, i'm flirting with significant health degradation. Ghost headaches, a sickened response to stress...these are my occasional companions already.

Calling the universe...

Calling the universe...

Help?

And the crickets chirp...

head-in collisions

Desensitized sandhead savants roaming 'round

never quite sure just what they've found

Breeding and greeding, a world to smother

Stumbling onto this, that, and the other

Fingers making alchemistic miracles

Hornswoggling, mind-boggling engineeracles

Never seeing the storms that gather

On they bluster, on they blather

Never seeing the ground giving way

Pausing only to fuck or pray

Oblivious to the burning ocean

Brandishing deodorizing lotion

Those few who ungum their eyes

succumb to insanity with suicidal cries

"Jingle Bells"

 A YouTube song collage my friend veronica put together...i've never met most of these musicians, yet we recorded a song "together". My original contribution was something i called "Single-Cell Paramecium", but she told me that was "too silly", so i re-recorded something closer to the conventional version (which wasn't easy, as i wasn't fond of the casual enslavement of horses in the original). Fortunately, they used the verse i re-wrote which removed all that. The final result is perhaps too long (a more crackerjack edit might be half that length), but there is honest charm in the clumsier parts. Peace on Earth, and goodwill to all...creatures.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcUZG7JQXTE&feature=youtu.be&fbclid=IwAR0bzAQ6Ox6ORjITejc0jqyE5xbCvBlcfeT69-e355DM6EoQVnUIpPXgguE

love hurricane

We spend our lives soaring
Protected above the clouds
Dreaming of mindless merriment
in unconditional crowds
Craving connection and comfort
Those casualties of current climes
Disconnected from others and ourselves
in these post-agricultural times
And then we see LOVE!
A dream far below
We speed earthward to rest
from this celestial blow
We fall into some patch of calm
and are gobsmacked by beauty!
Nobler notions engulf us
Devotion, sacrifice, duty
But just when we drop our guard
the storm hurls us up to the sky
Finally we see that modern love
exists only in a hurricane eye
We have to keep running, keep dancing
Knowing joy, but never ever peace
Modern love is a moving target
and its chase can never cease