"When God was a Woman"

 -by merlin stone

1976

Historian stone looks at the archaeological/textual evidence for the argument that 3000-2000 years ago, invading indo-european patriarchal religions conquered matriarchal religions. Early judaism and christianity existed side by side with goddess religions, and were instrumental in erasing them. Stone contends that the matriarchal religions were more peaceful, sex-positive, and literate - a claim that may only be a projection of feminist wishful thinking...but no one can argue that patriarchal religions aren't hotbeds of violence, womyn-hating, and sex-shaming, and it's disturbing to see how deeply biblical scripture is both an overt and veiled degradation of half the humyn race. Were these earlier religions truly matriarchal, or just matrilineal/matrifocal? In any event, it's fascinating to see how patriarchy co-opted and re-wrote the myths of these earlier religions.

porn

 I've been watching porn.

By porn, i mean the traditional semi-pejorative definition, low-budget movies poorly (or barely) written, created to show bounteous nudity and real fucking.

I've actually seen very little porn in my life, before this. Oh, i adore a little soft-core, NC-17 action, but the literary snob in me always turned up my nose at traditional porn, plus i never much fancied watching others do what i wanted to be doing. If i'm seeking masturbation fodder, some still images artfully done, or the waterfall scene from "Beastmaster", suits me fine.

I'd only ever seen one full-length porn before, as a teenager. It seemed obvious and crass. Plus one anime tentacle film once, which i thought was actually kind of cute.

But last month, i found myself with access to a free porn channel, and i thought i'd see what the fuss was about.

It was pretty much as expected. Dreary, under-written, and badly-acted.

With one unexpected redeeming quality.

It was soooooo non-neurotic. Blessedly, blissfully non-neurotic. There was no angst, no hand-wringing, no "Oh i can't, oh i must, oh i won't, oh i must..." Just humyn beings getting turned on and fucking. Not until you see sex from this perspective, do you appreciated just how neurotic ALL cinematic depictions of sexuality are. In every mainstream movie ever, from NC-17 all the way to G, any time sex or romance are portrayed or invoked, there's inevitably a tinge (or tonnage) of neurotic oppressiveness that accompanies it.

You can't appreciate how pernicious and unhappy all that weight is, until you see something completely free of it.

Of course, my literary tastes prevent me from dwelling overlong in the land of "porn"...but it all makes me long for the obvious hybrid cinematic sub-genre: porn with real acting and real writing. How can there not have been a studio or three devoted to this? ARE there? How can there not be??

Hollywood sucks, and porn sucks.

I want something sexy and non-neurotic that doesn't suck!

Is that so much to ask?

erosneous

Head, hormones, heart, love, lust, like

We weave a dance, a hypno-trance

Stretching each lover across this graph

It's very funny, why don't we laugh?

"Orange is the New Black"

 2013-2019

-created by jenji kohan

If you don't mind well-intended, semi-idiotic escapism, this might charm you. Great performances and competent writing are the hallmarks of this drama about life in womyn's prison. There are also positive marks for gay/trans portrayals, plus a somewhat nuanced take on the "me too" era. On the down side, it's an insultingly facile portrayal of the mindfucking horror that is prison life. It's barely more than a Hallmark card, in that regard. Any prison show that doesn't make you want to scream out of the house to tear down all prisons forever, has wasted its opportunity. Plus, it lasted too long...the sexy factor largely disappears in the final seasons, and without that its weaknesses are more exposed.

great balsa fire

I scan your attire
I peer into your eyes
to see what sustains you
The answer terrifies

"Star Trek: Lower Decks" (& PRODIGY)

Imagine "Sub Rosa" performed by the cast of "Up With People", hellbent on proving that a G rating can be sexy.

And PRODIGY is possibly worse. TREK made a morning animated show in the 70s that didn't talk down to its audience, but apparently we've lost that ability.

The Muppet Show, season 5

ROGER MOORE ***

Low-rent spies want to take out the guest (not in the nice way). Roger's urbane "Talk to the Animals" delivers humor and heart.

JAMES COBURN ***

Very, very good. James bonds with animal, and tries to teach him meditation.

BROOKE SHIELDS ****

Brooke walks into an episode-long telling of "Alice in Wonderland". The delight is non-stop and finishes, naturally, with "Off to See the Wizard".

TONY RANDALL **

I wanted to believe that anything with tony is good! But the inspiration just doesn't spark. Perhaps i'm cranky because piggy gets turned to stone...with no sign of ELO.

PAUL SIMON ****

The most idiot-proof episode ever. All devoted to paul's songs - even though you might make one or two different selections, it's still...perfect.

JOAN BAEZ **

Floyd does a delightful "Blackbird", and there's also a charming "Man Smart (Critters Smarter)"...which culminates in eco-terrorism (a remarkably brave choice for a show that courts a young audience).

LINDA RONSTADT ***

Perhaps the least clever Muppet episode ever...and that's a good thing. They sagaciously let linda do four songs uninterrupted. "I'm So Happy" is also a highlight.

GLENDA JACKSON ****

Glenda slips into pirate mode, and commandeers the theater-ship. This little nugget feels more like a full-blown movie than any other episode. The only four-star entry without a defining moment of brilliance (though gonzo's "Workin' at the Car Wash Blues" comes close).

LORETTA SWIT ***

Kermit fires piggy, loretta replaces her, and he's more genuinely abusive than you've ever seen him. This cruel body-shaming would never fly today.

HAL LINDEN ***

The affable, elegant hal lends his musical comedy chops as statler and waldorf take over. Hal and robin break hearts with "If We Ruled the World", plus a classic "Ob-la-di, ob-la-da".

JEAN-PIERRE RAMPAL ***

Merry Muppet mirth. Renowned flutist turns the pied piper into "Ease On Down the Road".

CAROL BURNETT ***

Carol's appearance is interrupted by an episode-long dance marathon. Her highlight is "But Not For Me", as the charwomyn.

JOHNNY CASH ***

"Dirty Old Egg-Sucking Dog", "Goodnight Sardine", "Jackson"...this one will slap a big Muppet grin on your face.

MELISSA MANCHESTER ***

Tumblin' tumbleweeds...on top of an alpine mountain

SENOR WENCES ***

Charming, as the Muppets celebrate...puppets! Veterinarian's Hospital will leave you in stitches.

DEBBIE HARRY ***

Some people, i'm not saying me, might be moved to tears by debbie's "Rainbow Connection" with kermit. Okay, me.

GENE KELLY **

Nice, but...

GLADYS KNIGHT ****

As the theater roof is taken away for repairs, not even the wrong billie holiday song can keep this one from four stars. Gladys is wonderful, and the show rises to the occasion. "Friendship Train" is particularly perfect.

WALLY BOAG ***

A thirty-year performer at Disneyworld, wally centerpieces a salute to vaudeville...and his bagpipe act makes you forgive his resume. Plus the funniest Muppet moment ever, as chef, animal, and beaker presage tonto, tarzan, and frankenstein, with their transcendent rendering of "Danny Boy".

BUDDY RICH ***

Yes folks, the drum battle for the ages! Will animal eat buddy?

MARTY FELDMAN ***

A warped wandering through the Arabian Nights, climaxed by the appearance of the Sesame Street Muppets. Marty goes eye-to-eye with cookie monster!

CHRIS LANGHAM ***

Muppet magic firing on all cylinders. Chris who? Not bad at all...plus kermit and robin palling around with whales hunting from whalers...

MAC DAVIS ***

Anticipating 3D copiers by forty years, scores of beakers are unleashed!

SHIRLEY BASSEY ***

Lovely. Guess who plays goldfinger? A bit anti-climactic for the last Muppet Show ever? Ah well, play on, play on...