"A Short History of Nearly Everything"

 -by bill bryson

2003

Bill tackles the entire history of advanced humyn scientific thought, audaciously attempting to encapsulate it all in a single volume. If you ever have a friend who loses their sight for a week or two, and needs the best distraction imaginable, you'll never find a more perfect book to read them, than this one here.

phlegmatic

A naked monkey upright walks
Mother nature a lugie hocks

a void dance

People avoid me, tragic but true
People avoid me, how about you?
The tragedy they fail to see
How much better they'd be with me
Legendary lovers go unlaid
Selfless souls get the blade
Genius gurus, no attention paid
That is how the game is played

central casting

If you want a stud
from central casting
walk right by
I ain't your guy

If you want prince charming
Suave and disarming
Don't look at me
I sure ain't he

If you want a copy
A prefab poppy
Bossing and blowing
Keep on going

If you want a lover
who's like no other
If that doesn't cause you fear
If science and sensibility are your "sign"
If you don't come pre-defined
Then open your eyes, i'm here

beast man

You make the beast in me rise
Longing to consume and control
Burning to brand your body
Yearning to hold your soul

I've learned how to keep him at bay
but we're all so broken and needy
In life i'm solicitous, so non-duplicitous
but your shining eyes make him greedy

He plots your endorphin overdose
so you'll care evermore for ME
He longs for you at long last to live
your life's crowning carnality

Ten times, a hundred times
A thousand times, more
Swim in my healing harbor
Pull yourself onto my shore

weed

This story begins some
forty thousand years ago
A timely, tragic tale
of wonderment and woe

Excavating the extinction trail
of the bones found in rocks
shows global warming's just the nail
sealing up life's death box

We started hunting
The megafauna soon gone
No more saber-tooth, moa
or mammoth mastadon

Whales, gorillas, rhinos
did their best to hold on
Pachyderms and hippos
going, going, gone

We are the weed
See how we breed
Slash and burn greed
Apocalypse seed

Tromping boots trail stowaways
to each corner of the globe
Behold bat and frog genocides
from an invasive microbe

And what about the death
of all the world's coral?
Take peek in the mirror
if you would seek a moral

But will the plants survive?
It's not just the truffula tree
Shall simmering segmentation
sever all the green we see?

...except for one weed
Apocalypse seed
Feel how we breed
slash and burn greed

Where then the terminus
of this treachery and travail?
Will rats or ruminococcus
be the only ones to prevail?
Is it too late to extricate
our hands from the third rail?
Or will a tailless primate
be the end of life's tale?

beaker boy

Funniest...muppet...moment...ever.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULB_QisXSbs