Friday, July 6, 2012

boris, bela, or vincent?

THE GREATEST HORROR ACTOR OF ALL TIME
Isn't it revealing that there isn't a single credible female candidate? It turns out there's a genre in which women have made even less inroads than comedy. What does that say about our society? Somebody write a thesis!
Of course, the idea of treating art as competition is ludicrous. But who's the spookiest of the spooky? Here's the point system:
5 points - originating a major classic horror role
3 points - sequel to a major classic horror role by same actor
2 points - TV series for a major classic horror role by same actor
2 points - originating a minor classic horror role
1 point - sequel to a minor classic horror role by same actor
1 point - classic horror role originated by another
1 point - notable miscellaneous horror role
1 point - supplemental X factor
LON CHANEY
Classic roles:
THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA = 5 points
THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME = 5 points
total: 10 points
But for dying young, the man of a thousand faces might have been the hands-down champion. Only one of his films was a talkie...and voice is perhaps the greatest tool of a horror actor.
CHRISTOPHER LEE
Classic roles:
-Dracula (10x) = 10 points
-Frankenstein's creature (1x) = 1 point
-mummy (1x) = 1 point
-Fu Manchu (5x) = 5 points
total: 17 points
Sunk by the fact that his signature role was signed off on by Bela twenty-seven years before.
ROBERT ENGLUND
Classic role:
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET (seven films and one series) = 5+3+3+3+3+3+3+2
= 25 points
divided by 50% for genre mixing
total: 13 points
Great chops, but cannot be taken seriously because ELM STREET is a horror/slasher hybrid. Slasher is a different genre, with different psychological motivations and functions. A movie about slasher films might be horror, but they themselves are not.
LON CHANEY, JR.
Classic roles:
-THE WOLF MAN (5x) = 5+3+3+3+3 = 17 points
-Frankenstein's creature (1x) = 1 point
-mummy (3x) = 3 points
-Dracula (1x) = 1 points
x factor = 1 point
total: 23 points
Played his iconic role more times than any of the big four. He also played a mummy werewolf. Yup.
BELA LUGOSI
Classic role:
-DRACULA (2x, plus two other vampires) = 5+3+1+1 = 10 points
-THE BLACK CAT = 2 points
-THE RAVEN = 2 points
-Ygor (2x) = 3 points
-Frankenstein's creature (1x) = 1 points
x factor = 1 point
total: 19 points
Has there ever been a more iconic, imitated horror performance? He also infected Lon, Jr. in THE WOLF MAN.
VINCENT PRICE
Classic roles:
-HOUSE OF WAX = 2 points
-THE FLY (2x) = 3 points
-HOUSE OF USHER = 2 points
-PIT AND THE PENDULUM = 2 points
-invisible man (2x) = 2 points
-DR. PHIBES (2x) = 3 points
x factor = 5 points
total: 19 points
Copious supplemental juice for appearances in the classic BATMAN (as Egghead), THE BRADY BUNCH, THE MUPPET SHOW, EDWARD SCISSORHANDS, and the greatest music video of all time.
BORIS KARLOFF
Classic roles:
-FRANKENSTEIN (3x) = 5+3+3 = 11 points
-THE MASK OF FU MANCHU = 2 points
-THE MUMMY = 5 points
-THE BLACK CAT = 2 points
-THE RAVEN = 2 points
-Dr. Frankenstein (1x) = 1 point
x factor = 4 points
total: 27 points
Also played a mad scientist in one of the FRANKENSTEIN sequels. He was the only one of the classic titans (with Bela and Lon) to turn down BUD ABBOTT AND LOU COSTELLO MEET FRANKENSTEIN, which could have been the only film to unite them all in their iconic roles. Integrity? Perhaps...or maybe ego, as he later did ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEET THE KILLER, BORIS KARLOFF and ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEET DR. JEKYLL AND MR. HYDE. But he's two of the big four, and as the voice of the Grinch, immortality doesn't beckon any louder.
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So there they are. Lon, Robert, Christopher, Bela and Vincent together in the third spot, Lon Jr., and Boris. Never mind your protests, Price fans. Now imagine you're the host of a dinner party, and these are your seven guests. Can we have our site painter get to work on that portrait? It would be even creepier with them in street clothes, wouldn't it? Sweetly spooky dreams to all...

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