I'm told that the chief attraction of anal sex is a tighter hole. Exactly what our sexual landscape needs, something to make men cum faster.
A former bodyguard has sued Britney Spears, claiming she picks her nose, refuses to shower, and farts "unapologetically". Okay, i no longer want her. Now i NEED her.
Turning water into wine? In the scope of human history, the greater miracle will be in the other direction.
The first step in understanding materialism is to work for a moving company.
"Forsaking all others, til death do you part." Well, at least they acknowledge that something beautiful is about to die.
Anyone ever notice that "Magic Bus" and "My Generation" are essentially the same song? Is it possible for The Who to sue themselves? And don't get me started on rick astley.
In a world that doesn't care about you, selfishness is sanity.
I don't understand the compulsion some people feel to say "good morning" to people they live with. I saw you eight hours ago in this exact spot, and we've been unconscious ever since. Are these people just seeking reassurance that they didn't die in their sleep?
There are but two ways to guarantee that one day you will look at yourself and say, "How did THIS become my life?" Make a baby, or get cast in a Star Trek series.
Can you identify with the urge to live in a glass house...to have every moment of your life, every single act and thought, be suddenly and completely known to every other human on the planet, so that you can then ask, "What the hell are we doing to ourselves??"
If you find the speed limit constraining but don't want a ticket, do what i do. As soon as you see a cop car, slide in behind it and match its speed. But don't tailgate, they don't like that much.
1 comment:
Many laughs! Cuz it's true.
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