tracy, tessie, melissa, pam

WOMEN 9-12
Tracy
A year my junior, and absolutely agog for me when i was the lead in the Youth Club play, at seventeen, but i demurred. A year later, when i was solidly in her "friend" category, i was agog for her. I held her backstage that year (i was Conrad Birdie, she was a dancer), and got an erection which i had to hastily extinguish to go on for a scene. Sigh…
Tessie
One of Tracy's best friends, i was agog for Tessie when Tracy was agog for me. Tessie was seeing someone, but liked paling around with me. A few years later we re-connected, and she had gained 50 pounds. I never tried to see her again. Ain't honesty a bitch?
Melissa
When i was in a community production of PETER PAN the summer after high school, Melissa and her friend sent a note backstage saying that they found another dancer and me very cute. The four of us met, drove to the river after the show, paired off, and necked. We stayed in the car, while Dave and his girl walked to the water. Whatever they did, it seemed like they were back in no time. Kissing was all i had in mind, and tried to get more time. I also tried to call her after that, but we never met again. Even though it didn't work out, it was the first time i had ever felt like an "operator", even a tiny bit. It was kind of a nice feeling.
Pam
Are you going to believe that i can't remember the last name of my "first"? I can't. But i went off to college, and "lost my virginity" in a matter of weeks (this endorsement paid for by the Association of American Colleges and Universities). I was a freshman, and loving life (high school couldn't have been over soon enough). I was throwing myself into the theater department with joy. Pam was a freshman taking a theater course. Medium height, thin, very small aquiline features, somewhat long dark hair, with an eclectic style of dress...i remember her in a fancy hat. We spent time together when all the theater students were recruited to paint the halls. Days of slapping on tan, blue, and maroon. I'd already been cast in a play, so the upper classmen knew me. Pam and i worked side-by-side. After a few days Cat Hasson, a senior, dramatically exclaimed, "Oh for crying out loud, will the two of you copulate and get it over with?" We gave her a what-are-you-talking-about look. Pam and i had dinner together that night, and within a few days, we kissed. A week or two later, we were making out on my bed one afternoon, and in one of the greater surprises of my life, she asked whether i wanted to have sex. I think i said something like "Are you sure? Okay." (not a tough sell, in retrospect). I mean lordy, of course i wanted to. It sounded like, well, just the best thing. I hadn't minded being a virgin; in fact, i had always been annoyed by people who made a big deal out of virginity. I was of a mind that i would be the same person before and after, a prophecy which fulfilled (or self-fulfilled) nicely. Anyway, a couple fumbling moments later she was guiding me into her. And wow. Then twenty-some seconds later, ohmygod…wow. We did it again in her room a few days later. She said i was her second lover, but the first in high school didn't count, because it had been date rape. After two or three more weeks and doing it maybe one more time, she broke it off. And i mean broke. Didn't talk to me, wouldn't answer my calls. Not long after, the semester ended. I never saw her again, and i don't think she came back to school. It didn't occur to me until years later that she might have become pregnant. To this day, Pam is the only possibility that there is a child of mine out there. Did the nature of her rejection allow my brain to forget her last name within a few years?